tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29659453396747636172024-03-05T13:00:33.106-08:00RTFMThoughts & musings of interest to me.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14620532390523006497noreply@blogger.comBlogger148125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2965945339674763617.post-6225566960481516302017-08-03T15:43:00.000-07:002018-03-15T09:53:13.772-07:00Thoughts on Pregnancy, Labor, Delivery, & Taking Care of an Infant<b>Content Warning: This is a no-holds barred post that will go into graphic detail about my personal experience with pregnancy, labor, delivery, breastfeeding and other aspects of taking care of Zoe. Likely lots of TMI.</b><br />
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Links within this blog post to products or services are using referral or affiliate programs so I'll get a kickback if you click through and buy, but these are all my own opinions and I was not paid to promote any of them, except where noted.<br />
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<b>Pre-Pregnancy</b><br />
It took me over a decade of wavering between "sure, I could see myself having kids" and "no way, I don't think I want to sign myself up for that" before I decided to make the huge, life-changing decision to have a baby. I'd read a wide gamut of books and articles about it, both fiction and non-fiction, so I felt sufficiently apprised of the hardship and suffering that went along with having a bundle of joy, but had trouble seeing <i>why</i> I would want to introduce that to my relatively uncomplicated life.<br />
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A few things happened that changed my perspective on the matter. First, I spent about half a year to a year going through an existential crisis because I felt like I should be happier than I was. I had all the ingredients to being content, yet I was dissatisfied. I eventually realized that life is not just about trying to be as happy as possible. Then, my partner and I became serious in our relationship and he wanted to have kids. But more importantly, he gave me the space to decide whether or not that was for me and assured me that he would be parenting alongside me and that I wouldn't be alone in raising a kid, which always seemed to be my main source of stress whenever I imagined having a kid. And finally, during a lunch with a childhood friend where we were discussing kids, my friend told me what a friend had told him, that having kids was "a crazy stupid thing to do, but he'd be damned if he was going to miss out on that adventure."<br />
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We planned when we would start trying carefully, so I wouldn't be possibly pregnant during a trip to Alaska or various festivals, but I stopped drinking just in case and so did my partner. We went on our honeymoon and about two weeks afterwards, on Thursday October 6th, I had a positive pregnancy test. I had an inkling that I might be pregnant, but put off taking a test because I had already taken a few earlier and felt like I was over eager already. So I was in the middle of brushing my teeth as I waited for the test result to show up. And when that second line showed up, I called for my partner, but since I was still brushing my teeth, I had to nod towards the pregnancy test and he waited awkwardly until I finished to celebrate. We told both sets of parents and our siblings that same day and our friend who we asked to be our doula.<br />
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<b>1st Trimester</b><br />
The first trimester was mostly checking my underwear every time I peed for signs of blood and being stressed out about having a pregnancy loss until my doula finally just told me it was more important to not be stressed out and that there wasn't anything I could do about it if it did happen.<br />
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I was also lucky in terms of morning sickness. I only threw up twice during the entire process. Once at work before I had gotten pregnant at all, when I had my prenatal vitamin without having had breakfast first. I felt so nauseous that I had cold sweats and ended up throwing up in the wastebasket next to my desk. The second time was during labor, which I'll go into more gory detail about later. Instead, I had mild nausea, which made eating healthy a struggle, and I ate only enough to feel no longer hungry.<br />
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My partner did all of the work of meal planning and making sure I was eating healthy during my entire pregnancy. Every morning he made me breakfast and a smoothie that was packed with veggies and fruit and other proteins, because I didn't really want to eat any vegetables. The smoothie was actually my idea because I worried about being constipated and thought the smoothie would be an easy way to get lots of fiber. I also found that because of the mild nausea, I could no longer tell whether or not I was getting hungry, until it was too late and my stomach started to hurt. So I had breakfast, then a mid-morning snack, then a small lunch, then a mid-afternoon snack, and then dinner.<br />
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I also almost immediately stopped sleeping through the night, having to get up in the middle of the night to go pee. I was very thirsty all the time, which at first I worried about, that it might be a sign of gestational diabetes (it was not, I was fine).<br />
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We moved into a new apartment that month and I helped clean the old apartment's kitchen with my brother, until the cleaning fumes started to make me feel lightheaded and then we all decided to just bail. We didn't even vacuum. I wasn't around for the actual move either, we had hired movers and my partner and my brother worked with them, and I went to a coffee shop and read a book.<br />
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That was a theme throughout the pregnancy, no lifting of anything remotely heavy and trying to be as low stress as possible. Emotionally, I definitely started to have moments where I would be crying over something seemingly inconsequential. The first time it happened, it was in the middle of the night, when I got up to go to the bathroom I stumbled a little and sat/fell on the bed. I was fine, but it spooked me something fierce. I think part of it was the realization that my balance, and thus my body, was no longer just mine and that this was one of many changes that I'd experience. My partner went and bought motion-sensitive lights that ran on batteries and placed them around the bed so they would light up as I went past.<br />
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It was mostly during this trimester that I had the heightened sense of smell, which seems like a cool super power, but it turns out that most of the world smells bad. I had to hold my breath going past garbage containers and the smell of mushrooms, which I usually love, made me feel nauseous.<br />
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We decided to go with the <a href="http://www.swedish.org/locations/swedish-midwifery-first-hill" target="_blank">midwives at Swedish First Hill</a>, mostly because I saw a picture on Facebook of my doula and one of the midwives with an acquaintance and her baby and thought the midwife looked nice. It was a great choice. There was always ample time to have all of our questions answered at the appointments. Early on, one of my questions was what a typical labor and delivery looked like, which, having all of my knowledge on the subject from TV and movies, was very illuminating. I had a lot of misconceptions, the main one being that when someone said they had a 27 hour labor, I thought that meant they were physically pushing for that long. <a href="http://www.swedish.org/services/pregnancy-and-childbirth/labor-delivery/what-happens-during-delivery/stages-of-labor" target="_blank">Turns out, that's not true at all</a>.<br />
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We got to meet almost all of the midwives during the pregnancy, though it just so happened that the midwife that delivered Zoe was one that we had not had an appointment with and had just met during one of the monthly "Meet the Midwives" events. However, we liked and were impressed by her even from that short meeting and were completely confident and secure in her abilities.<br />
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<b>2nd Trimester</b><br />
As soon as the 2nd trimester started, my mild nausea went away, but I wasn't as ravenously hungry as I had been led to believe from the media. I chalked it up to being used to eating just enough from the 1st trimester. I was a little disappointed though because I thought I'd be able to tuck away as much as I liked, but instead, my stomach felt smaller (probably because it was starting to get crowded in my midsection), and I just ate small meals throughout the day.<br />
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We announced the pregnancy on my partner's birthday, mostly because I had commissioned an art piece by our good friend <a href="https://www.facebook.com/artofteo/" target="_blank">Teo Acosta</a> as a birthday present that also doubled as the announcement. We had a wonderful Christmas with my partner's family in Sacramento, where they stocked up on all the foods and drinks I liked and we took walks with his sister's dog, Bella.<br />
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It's true what they say about feeling the best during this trimester, I felt almost normal. I started walking slower and we were especially concerned during our New Year's trip to Vancouver BC because it was horribly icy and snowy. I continued to be involved in political actions, volunteering, and social activities. In March, we went on our babymoon with my partner's parents to Maui and had a fun, relaxing vacation and I had a great time floating in the pool. The only downside was when I had to get out of the pool, I felt like I weighed a million pounds!<br />
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I continued to have heightened emotions. For example, after we got back from our trip to Hawaii, we went to go see the movie Get Out. I don't typically do scary movies, but I didn't know anything about this movie besides that it somehow dealt with Black issues, so I assumed it was like Moonlight. My partner wanted to go see Get Out and so I bought tickets. He had heard a bit more about it than I had and thought me knowing nothing about the movie would help avoid spoilers, and didn't think about the fact that I didn't like scary movies. I screamed four or five times throughout the movie. At the end of the movie, as the credits were rolling, I turned to him and said, "Why didn't you tell me this was a scary movie?! I was so stressed out during the whole thing!" And upon reflecting on all the scary things that happened, I burst into tears, stress crying for a minute before we could get up and leave. I could almost immediately see the humor in the situation, like, oh this'll be a funny story later, but as I'm saying that, I'm still crying. He felt very bad about it of course (though he felt bad also because he really liked the movie), and we went and had <a href="https://www.katsuburger.com/" target="_blank">Katsu Burger</a> with all the fixings and only did relaxing things the rest of the day to help calm me down.<br />
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<b>3rd Trimester</b><br />
The number of times I had to get up in the middle of the night to go pee continued to increase. I started walking even slower everywhere and tried to cut back on activities as much as possible. I had one baby shower at work and another one at home. And we started the <a href="http://www.swedish.org/classes-and-resources/childbirth-parenting-classes#Childbirth_Prep" target="_blank">Childbirth Prep five week course</a>, which had a lot of great information and went over in detail the various things that could happen during labor. By the time Zoe was born, I had gained about 25 lbs.<br />
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I read couple of articles about <a href="https://mosaicscience.com/story/vr-could-break-americas-opioid-addiction" target="_blank">the use of VR to manage chronic pain</a> and <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2016/dec/09/virtual-reality-childbirth-pain-relief" target="_blank">specifically in labor</a> and since we had several friends in the VR gaming industry, I put the feelers out and our friend <a href="https://www.linkedin.com/in/timcullings/" target="_blank">Tim Cullings</a> very graciously lent me an Oculus headset. Unfortunately, my labor wasn't as clear cut as we were taught from our childbirth class, so we weren't able to try it out.<br />
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People finally started noticing that I was pregnant when I was on public transport and would start giving up their seat for me. I took the week before Zoe's due date off from work and that was really nice. My partner's parents were in town and we got to spend time with them and have some food adventures. It was relaxing and gave me some time to finish all the little pre-baby tasks that I felt like still needed to get done.<br />
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<b>Labor & Delivery</b><br />
The night before, I didn't sleep well, my partner and I had an emotionally-charged discussion about how I could be more comfortable in bed and he ended up sleeping on the ground.<br />
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That morning, Saturday, June 10th, 2017, we got up early so that we could take his parents to Bakery Nouveau. We bought lots of delicious pastries and had a wonderful brunch at home before we spent the rest of the morning doing organizing chores for baby stuff. Turns out that would be the last meal I would have for the rest of that day. Good thing it was heavy on the carbs!<br />
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On the walk back from the bakery was probably when I first noticed that I was feeling a bit poorly, which I only noticed because occasionally I would feel better. It was like a constant low-grade cramp that had no distinct start and the only way I noticed that it stopped was when I suddenly felt better. I wasn't able to do much else but direct everyone in what needed to be accomplished and at one point, I went into the bedroom and got on the bed on all fours, kind of in a pregnant person's child's pose with my butt in the air and just stayed like that until my partner finally came in the room and found me. I remember thinking, I could maybe be in labor right now and no one is with me, everyone is busy elsewhere and not paying any attention to me. *pouts*<br />
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I told my partner that I didn't feel well and that I had noticed some mucous-y discharge. I decided to message my doula on Facebook at 12:43 PM (fun fact, almost exactly 12 hours later, I'd have Zoe), but after an hour, decided to give her a call. I sat on the yoga ball in the living room while I made the call and explained to her how I was feeling and something about putting it into words made me start to cry. I was anxious and unsure about what was happening, but she told me to try taking a warm bath. We managed to get the tub filled with about a foot or so of water before I got in, but the stopper wasn't in the tub so the water was draining out. Then, when we found the stopper and put it in and tried putting more water in, it turned out that the hot water had run out. And so we started a train of hot water that had been boiled in pots on the stove and in the electric kettle and then finally brought to the bathroom to be poured into the tub. I felt like I had been transported back to the Middle Ages. Eventually there was hot water from the faucet again and my partner stayed in the bathroom with me and poured water over the parts of me that weren't able to be fully submerged in the tub. That whole process probably took a couple hours. Then I got out of the tub to go to the bathroom and when I wiped, there was some blood, so we called the midwives. Since I was <a href="http://americanpregnancy.org/pregnancy-complications/group-b-strep-infection/" target="_blank">Group B Strep positive</a>, they wanted to give me antibiotics at least twice before the baby was born, and they told me that if my water broke, I was supposed to go straight to the hospital so they could start the antibiotics. I wasn't sure if my water might have broken while I was in the tub, so they told me to go ahead and go to the hospital and get triaged.<br />
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We quickly gathered the rest of the items that needed to be in the "Going to the Hospital bag" and then my partner's parents drove us to the hospital. Of course, in our rush, my partner neglected to bring anything for himself, but his parents brought him a change of clothes later.<br />
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I was definitely uncomfortable at that point, it felt like when everything is slightly dulled and surreal because you don't feel well or hadn't gotten enough sleep. But I could still walk and knew where to go to get to the birth suites. It was about 3:30 PM.<br />
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While I was in triage, they put a blood pressure monitor on my arm and when it inflated, it hurt pretty bad and cut off circulation to my arm so that my hand and arm went numb. The nurse told me it'd go off every ten minutes. She also put other monitors on my belly to monitor the baby's heartbeat and the contractions. Then she leaves.<br />
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The longest ten minutes of my life go by and at some point, I ask my partner, "How has it not been ten minutes yet?" I'm pretty sure at this point that I'm going through contractions. He's like, oh, it's definitely been at least ten minutes. I mention that the blood pressure arm cuff monitor hasn't gone off, which was what I had been using to measure time by. I ask him to go tell the nurses. The nurse comes back in and is all like, oh whoops, forgot to press a button! I make a joke about how it felt like the longest ten minutes of my life.<br />
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At some point later, my water does break while I'm on the triage bed. The midwife on call, <a href="http://www.swedish.org/swedish-physicians/profile.aspx?name=derksen+marilyn+carter&id=159297" target="_blank">Marilyn Derksen</a>, comes in and checks the monitors and asks some questions. They tell me I couldn't tell when I was having a contraction because they were pretty much right on top of each other. They tell me that the good news was that they were going to admit me and that when I left, I'd have a baby. I mostly just felt relief because now that I was at the hospital, it didn't matter what my body decided it wanted to do, someone else would be cleaning it up.<br />
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They have me walk to the birth suite assigned to me, which was close enough that even though I wanted to pee, they forced me to walk to the suite (leaning heavily on the nurse), because it had its own private bathroom. In retrospect, they probably wanted me to use that one so they would have one less bathroom to clean my blood from.<br />
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They made me get up on the bed so that they could take more vitals, get the monitors on my belly again, and put the IV stint in. I really didn't like the IV stint. In fact, over a month later, I still have a mark on my wrist where it was put in. The antibiotics that they put in took half an hour to slowly drip into my system and it burned. Finally, after all of that was done, they let me get in the jacuzzi tub. By this time, I started having strong enough contractions that they started telling me to focus on a stationary object and do some sort of breathing. So I laid in the tub, sitting up when a contraction hit to stare at the soap dispenser's PUSH and then when it passed, sinking back down, trying to get a comfortable neck/head prop going. My partner draped towels over the parts of me that weren't fully submerged and every once in a while, drained some of the water so that he could add more hot water.<br />
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Then someone's like, when was the last time she ate something? At this, I look up for the first time and notice that it's 5 PM. I think, oh shit, I remember from the classes that you're supposed to try and eat and stay hydrated and I did pretty well on the latter, but not so much the former. Unfortunately, since we left the apartment in such a hurry, the only food item that we had were <a href="http://www.tankabar.com/cgi-bin/nanf/public/products.cvw?sessionid=87d2614471389c514fa60a460883b459d00c99c4c449f" target="_blank">Tanka bars</a>. I had a whole plan to eat Totino's pizza while laboring at home and to bring delicious spaghetti with meat sauce with us to the hospital, but of course we never got around to making it.<br />
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So my partner's like, babe, I'm sorry, all we have are these Tanka bars, do you think you could try eating some? I felt like I was pretty compliant throughout the entire labor and delivery, so even though I thought it was a terrible idea, I gamely took a few bites and swallowed them. A few minutes later I'm like, I'm gonna throw up. He quickly grabs the trash bin in the bathroom and holds it while I throw up and later, the nurses are all like, wow, she threw up a liter. I'm pretty sure they had to take the trash bin liner and pour the contents into a "throw up bag" so they could measure the amount.<br />
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Later, when I announce that I feel nauseous and might throw up, they grab a skinny blue bag, that you open up by sticking your arm into it and my midwife puts in a few drops of lavender. I end up not throwing up again, but those bags probably make it pretty easy to measure.<br />
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Soon after the Tanka bar ordeal, I have a contraction that makes me feel like I want to push. They take my temperature and determine that I'm getting a little hot, so they make me get out of the tub. I spend the next approximately six hours of contractions being told I can't push. We cycle through a few different positions, on the yoga ball and on the bed, and I'm told to say "pa-pa-pa-pa" during contractions to help with not pushing. For the most part it works, but every once in a while, the urge is too strong and while I don't actively push, I make a different grunt-y noise.<br />
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I avoided looking pretty much everyone in the eye during contractions because I didn't want to get too emotional, what I wanted was to be able to concentrate on getting through it and it helped me to be dispassionate about it and not see the possible concern or worry on my partner's face or my doula's face.<br />
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The first nurse on shift didn't mesh well with us and I had the impression that she was equal parts annoyed, frustrated, and a little too high strung. She kept asking where my midwife and doula were and told me every time I made the grunt-y noise not to push. Yeah, just being told not to do a thing doesn't actually help and asking where my midwife and doula were (as if I would even know) didn't actually make them appear any faster. I didn't have the energy at the time to do anything about it, but just noted it all down mentally for later. Anyway, during those six hours I drank lots of water, I try to drink some apple juice and coconut water and eat some gummies, but most importantly, I don't ask what time it is or how much time has passed and just tried to accept that this was my reality for the foreseeable future.<br />
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At 7 PM, the nurses change shifts, so we got a new nurse, who we really liked and my doula arrives after being stuck in graduation traffic. The monitor on my belly that was monitoring the baby's heartbeat didn't do a great job of picking it up, so the new nurse spent a lot of time sitting by me and physically holding the monitor against my belly, which was really nice of her. They check how things are going and tell me that I have an especially thick amniotic sac membrane, and that it had been my forebag that had broken earlier on the triage bed and that my main amniotic sac hadn't broken yet and that pressure was what was causing me to feel like I needed to push.<br />
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They suggest performing an <a href="http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/1997932-overview" target="_blank">amniotomy</a> (using a little hook to break the sac) and placing an <a href="https://www.verywell.com/what-is-internal-fetal-monitoring-2758716" target="_blank">internal fetal monitor</a>. The internal fetal monitor was something that we learned about in the birth class, and we weren't wild about the idea, but luckily, Zoe came out with a full head of hair, so it wasn't noticeable unless you were really feeling around her head where the monitor had been placed.<br />
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A while after that had been done, they found out that the baby's head was <a href="http://spinningbabies.com/learn-more/baby-positions/other-fetal-positions/asynclitism/" target="_blank">asynclitic</a> and that her hand was up by her head. The midwife says, we can try this new technique I learned yesterday. The nurse and doula immediately perk up and get all excited. My midwife had learned about <a href="http://spinningbabies.com/learn-more/techniques/the-fantastic-four/sidelying-release/" target="_blank">Sidelying Release</a> from another midwife that had gone to a conference, so we do that for a while and it ends up working. I was kind of grumpy during it though because for once, everyone's attention was on the technique and not on me, and I had to focus on relaxing my leg and not moving during contractions, which was not great.<br />
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Later, the midwife checks again and my hopes are momentarily gotten up, but it turns out I had an <a href="https://www.thebump.com/a/anterior-cervix-lip" target="_blank">anterior cervix lip</a>, so I had to turn around and spend more time mauling the hands of my partner and doula. The last couple hours of the labor I spend on my hands and knees, with my partner on one side and my doula on the other side, each holding one of my hands, which I crush, while rocking back and forth. At one point, they decide to switch sides, probably because they lost feeling in their hand and I remember distinctly that right around that time I started to regain coherence. I suddenly was able to speak in whole sentences again and started saying stuff like, I just want this baby out, will someone please cut this baby out of me, and I noticed that both my doula and my partner still had their rings on when they switched sides, so I told them to take off their rings. In retrospect, that was probably the moment I was finally at 10 cm and fully dilated.<br />
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When I was given the go ahead to push, you better believe I was goddamn ready to push. It took less than half an hour and with every push, I could physically feel the baby moving out. When the baby's head started crowning, my midwife asked if I wanted to reach down and touch the baby's head and I was like, nope, not at all. I remember feeling frustrated that the contractions now seemed super far apart, especially when Zoe started crowning and the whole burning sensation started. I definitely started cursing at this point. It was nice having something to do and the ability to act more like myself.<br />
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On the last push, when Zoe was born at 12:45 AM, June 11th, 2017, the gush of her coming out and probably all sorts of blood and fluids was both a relief mentally and physically. It seemed like almost immediately they plopped her on my tummy and were rubbing her vigorously with the receiving blankets, which are really not the softest, but are everywhere and what they used to swaddle her during our stay in the hospital. I spent the first few minutes just trying to keep a good hold on her, I couldn't actually hold her because of the umbilical cord and while I don't remember her being grossly covered in gunk, she was still kind of slippery. My partner cut the cord, though it was more like sawing through the cord, and felt really weird. They told me Zoe was pooping on me, but I never saw any of it, because they were pros at cleaning. They even gave me a quick abbreviated sponge bath of sorts and changed my socks and I felt like a new woman.<br />
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We waited a little over half an hour for my placenta to show up but unlike Zoe, it did not want to vacate, so my midwife had to do a manual extraction. They gave me a shot of fentanyl through my IV stint and it started working almost immediately. They told me it feels like having two shots of tequila, and it did, just without any spinning. It didn't completely remove all sensations, and it made me a little chatty, so the whole time I was saying "ow" over and over. At one point, I joked, it feels like you're trying to fist me, and the nurse and midwife gave each other a look. The nurse slowly says, "well..." and that's when I realize that my midwife is actually up to her elbow and that yeah, I just pushed a baby out, and it takes a bit for that to return to normal. She manages to successfully extract my placenta and holds it up for me to see saying, doesn't it look like a tree of life? And I'm like, no, it just looks like a bloody mess. She sticks her hand back in to make sure she got it all and I felt her hand pop in that time.<br />
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I also needed to have one stitch, she said I had a small tear just inside. They also inserted a catheter to empty my bladder, which was so full that they kept on exclaiming that there was still pee coming out and the container was filled to the brim. I definitely stayed hydrated! I didn't actually feel like peeing the whole time, though they had me sit on the toilet a few times during labor. During all of this, the baby is having all the baby stuff done and my partner is with her, taking pictures.<br />
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When all of that is squared away, our families are allowed in and there is much joy, tears and pictures taken. I start saying stuff like, well, next time should be easier right? And everyone looks at me and the nurse says that's the soonest she's ever heard anyone start talking about doing it again.<br />
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Honestly, going in, I had no idea whether or not I'd be able to do the labor and delivery without an epidural. On our birth plan, I put down -6, with a -5 being "I have a strong desire to avoid pain
medication. I will accept medication if my
labor is very difficult or long." and a -7 being "I strongly desire an unmedicated birth. I will be disappointed if I use pain medication." When I was in triage, they asked me what my pain level was, and I told them a 6. At no point during my labor and delivery did I ever feel that the pain was unbearable. For me, it wasn't a sharp, stabby pain, which I don't think I could have dealt with. Instead, what stuck out to me as parts of my labor and delivery that were terrible were having an IV stint and the arm cuff blood pressure monitor. None of which an epidural would have done anything about, but if the pain of the contractions had been like the pain of the arm cuff around my arm, but instead around my midsection, I don't think I could have gone nine hours with that happening every few minutes.<br />
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<b>Postpartum Hospital Stay</b><br />
I had to get additional antibiotics dripped through my IV stint because of the manual extraction, so when we transferred from the birth suite to the postpartum room, an extra nurse came with us to wheel my IV bags. The wheelchair that they had me sit on was very hard and had no suspension. If I had actually been in pain or discomfort, it would not have been a very pleasant ride.<br />
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We ended up having to stay an extra couple nights in the hospital because of concerns over Zoe's fast breathing combined with the possibility of <a href="http://kidshealth.org/en/parents/meconium.html" target="_blank">meconium aspiration</a> (she pooped in utero & might have breathed it in). Every four hours a nurse would come in and take our vitals. I was offered Tylenol and stool softener right away, and was actually somewhat pushed to take the Tylenol. I took the first dose, but not more later. In retrospect, I think I didn't need any Tylenol during those first few days because I still had all the hormones and adrenaline from labor and delivery coursing through my veins. It wasn't until I got home and was breastfeeding the baby on the bed that I could feel that one stitch. Luckily, the rest of my body wasn't sore at all, my main complaint the first couple days was my sore throat.<br />
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Throughout our stay, Zoe had chest x-rays done (they wheeled in a mobile x-ray machine and my partner got to help with it), several blood draws (they draw blood from the heel of babies, and by the end of our stay, both of Zoe's heels had been pricked multiple times), and her oxygen levels checked. Luckily we found out early on from breastfeeding help that you can put your finger in the baby's mouth (nail down towards tongue) for them to suck on and it's such a strong soothing technique that Zoe didn't cry at all with the blood draws. Which makes everyone much more calm.<br />
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We tried learning how to swaddle her from the nurses, but it seemed like the only thing that worked was the double swaddle, where you use two blankets, so if you swaddle poorly the first time, the second one on the outside keeps the arms from escaping. Unfortunately, this technique came back to bite us when we got home and she got a bit of a heat rash from being double swaddled one night.<br />
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Our families visited during visiting hours and brought lots of food and spent time holding the baby. There was a nutrition room down the hall that had Lean Cuisine frozen meatloaf meals and mac & cheese meals, as well as an assortment of drinks, jello, popsicles, and soups. It was meant to be a stop gap for the hours that the hospital cafeteria was closed, but I ate quite a few mac & cheese meals on top of ordering from the hospital menu. I should have ordered a meal from the hospital cafeteria three times a day, but I wasn't sure if it would be covered in our stay or if it was extra. My partner's meals we had to pay for and we paid in cash because it was easier. So bring some cash in your hospital bag.<br />
<br />
I was fond of the orange-flavored jello and one of the nurses told me I was her only patient, so when I told her that our nutrition room was totally out of orange jello, even though the red jello had been restocked, she went over to the other side of the postpartum floor and took the last two orange jellos from their side. That was really great. I didn't want to eat both right away, so my partner wrapped them in a napkin and wrote our name on the outside and put them in the fridge.<br />
<br />
I wasn't allowed to take Ibuprofen because I had high blood pressure near the end of pregnancy and during labor and delivery. This wouldn't have been an issue, except that with Tylenol, you can only have 3 doses in a 24 hour period. This would become an issue later with breastfeeding.<br />
<br />
The one main thing that caught us off guard was cluster feeding. Even though we knew that she wouldn't get much <a href="http://www.lalecheleague.org/faq/colostrum.html" target="_blank">colostrum</a>, she was feeding three times an hour for 10-20 minutes around the clock with some breaks for diaper changes and a bit of sleeping. Again, because of the hormones, I was able to handle this a lot better than my partner did. He did all the diaper changes and getting her from the bassinet and putting her back and swaddling her, but that meant while I was breastfeeding her, he had to stay somewhat awake, so that when she was finished, he could take care of the rest.<br />
<br />
The second night of cluster feeding was the worst, we kept on putting her down, expecting her to sleep a little, but less than half an hour later she would wake back up. For the third night, we agreed to treat it as if we were just going to pull an all nighter, and have fun with it instead of trying desperately to get her to go to sleep. We never got to enact it though because she did end up sleeping a bit more that night. It's definitely one of the things I've noticed that affects my mood the most, that if I try to will her into a certain state, that it's miserable for me, but if I'm hopeful but not actively trying to have things go a certain way, I feel a lot happier with how the day went.<br />
<br />
The bed that I slept on was a weird anti-bedsore bed, which is the standard hospital bed, but it meant that every time I reclined or raised up the bed, it would spend a couple minutes inflating and deflating the bed. I got used to it, but that was definitely a couple minutes that I could have spent falling asleep.<br />
<br />
Since we stayed in the hospital for so many days, we were visited by several midwives that were on call, which was a welcome surprise and gave us an opportunity to chat and ask more questions. I really can't say enough positive things about my experience with the Swedish First Hill Midwives, I always felt comfortable with them, they never made me feel rushed or that my questions weren't important and they were always just so warm and positive. Just as importantly, I felt confident that they would fight tooth and nail to make sure my birth experience was everything I wanted it to be if it was within their power. I had no doubt that they were on my and my baby's side. Later on, I asked about the percentage of people who get epidurals and those who don't and was told that for the midwives, their percentage is 50/50. For OB-GYNs, it's more like 90/10.<br />
<br />
<b>Life with an Infant</b><br />
When I look back at that first couple weeks, it was fraught with not enough knowledge about the potential problems of breastfeeding, solutions to those problems, and that you could supplement with formula and not be a failure. But it was also so, so much overwhelming happiness and embracing every moment.<br />
<br />
I was very very emotional the first few weeks, not just because of the trouble with breastfeeding we had, but I would start crying whenever I thought about Zoe growing up. I had a song that I made up that I sang to her every day for the first couple weeks. The first part was always the same and then I would make up lyrics. One day I was singing about how she was eight days old and that today would be the last day she would be eight days old and that made me cry. I definitely felt like I was crying more than I had at any point in my pregnancy.<br />
<br />
We had breastfeeding help from two nurses and two lactation consultants while we were in the hospital, but it wasn't until the lactation consultant appointment at the Lytle Center six days after Zoe was born that we found out she had ankyloglossia, also known as <a href="https://breastfeedingusa.org/content/article/tell-me-about-tongue-ties" target="_blank">tongue-tie</a>. We were fortunate enough to get an appointment two days later on the following Monday to have the <a href="https://med.stanford.edu/newborns/professional-education/frenotomy.html" target="_blank">frenotomy</a> done. Up until that point, the only way breastfeeding was bearable for me was by taking Tylenol and Ibuprofen. There was a rough night early on when I was told I shouldn't take Ibuprofen because of concerns with my high blood pressure, but I could only take Tylenol every 8 hours. By hour #5, I was in agony and we had to make the decision to take a dose of Ibuprofen so that I could continue to breastfeed. It's impossible to imagine or describe, even for me now, how incredibly painful breastfeeding was for the first two weeks. I would have gotten an epidural immediately if the contractions had been as painful as breastfeeding was.<br />
<br />
Those first couple of weeks were rough also because we didn't have enough good options for feeding her. One of the pediatricians that visited us in the hospital dispassionately said that we might have to use formula and I later cried about it because that was not what I had wanted to hear. Later on, we were told essentially the same thing by a different pediatrician, but in a much more compassionate way and that it wouldn't be forever and was only a stopgap.<br />
<br />
I remember one of the early days when I started pumping to try it out and had pumped but then Zoe woke up and wanted to feed. It was terrible because we didn't have any good solutions to feed the milk that I had pumped to her so I spent several hours feeding her and felt so bad that she was hungry and angry at myself.<br />
<br />
When we had our second visit with a lactation consultant, it turned out that Zoe wasn't gaining weight fast enough, so the lactation consultant suggested that we go on what I later named "The Routine." We rented a hospital-grade breast pump and at each feeding, I would feed 10-15 minutes on each side, then pump for 15-20 minutes and my partner would use <a href="http://amzn.to/2uzLUdC" target="_blank">a supplemental system</a> to feed Zoe the milk that I had pumped the previous session. The goal was to finish a feeding session within an hour, because we had to make sure to feed her every 2-3 hours.<br />
<br />
Sometimes at night we would let her sleep 3-4 hours, but we followed The Routine for a week or two. The first few days we were able to use the frozen bags of milk that I had pumped "for fun" during the supplemental feedings, but when those ran out, we bought some formula and used that when there wasn't enough milk. I also started taking fenugreek pills and drinking a tea kettle of mother's milk tea every day, which literally contained all of the herbal plants that are supposed to help increase your milk supply.<br />
<br />
I was also prescribed three tubes of ointment (Mupirocin 2%, Hydrocortisone 2.5%, Miconazole Nitrate 2%) that I mixed together and applied to my nipples. They said that I didn't need to wipe it off if it had been more than half an hour, but it bothered me that some of the ingredients were steroids and anti-fungal so I always wiped it off. The creams performed miracles on healing my nipples even though I was still breastfeeding constantly.<br />
<br />
For the last month, I've been keeping track daily of how much mL I pump, how many times I breastfeed and how much formula we feed her. I initially also kept track of when the expressed milk was fed to her, but for the last week or so, it's been almost optional to feed her a bottle of expressed milk at all. It is incredibly reassuring to see the numbers start to stabilize and to count up the number of times I breastfeed and pump to make sure it adds up to at least 8 (the "magic number" it seems like most books recommend to keep your supply up).<br />
<br />
So in terms of the breastfeeding saga, for now at least, things are looking pretty good. My nipples have toughened up and what would have had me crying with pain during the first two weeks doesn't bother me now. It did take about three weeks to get there, but now that it's behind me, having her cozied up to me and seeing her smile sleepily after getting milk drunk is something that I treasure immensely. Sure, some days I get overloaded with all the skin-to-skin contact or feel like I've permanently become part of this rocking chair, but then I just try to take a nap or a shower and/or have my partner give Zoe a bottle. And I try to keep in mind that this phase is short, it'll pass and be over and that'll be it. The hours and days will continue to march on no matter what. I'm just trying to enjoy it as much as possible and gloss over the difficult parts.<br />
<br />
Since my partner has gone back to work full-time (he works from home) our schedule for the last few weeks has looked something like this, plus or minus a couple hours:<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li><b>3 AM</b> - I wake up to pump, which takes about a total of 15 minutes, from when I get up from bed to when I get back into bed. I only pump for about 5 minutes, which is enough to just about fill the Medela tubes (80 mL, though I usually only go to about 70 mL or so because it's hard to see that last 10 mL).</li>
<li><b>5:30 AM</b> - Zoe wakes up, my partner changes her diaper and I spend about 15 minutes feeding her from one side, she falls back asleep.</li>
<li><b>8 AM </b>- Zoe wakes up, my partner changes her diaper and I spend about 15 minutes feeding her from the other side, she falls back asleep. I try to eat something while I'm feeding her. Sometimes, these early morning feedings are less straightforward, with feeding from both sides, multiple diaper changes, and re-swaddling. This is usually when my partner gets up, showers and starts his day. I go back to sleep.</li>
<li><b>11 AM</b> - Zoe wakes up, and while my partner is changing her diaper, I brush my teeth and wash my face. I feed her and try to put her down in her bassinet in the living room when she falls asleep at my breast. If she wakes up when I put her down, I check her diaper, then continue feeding until she stays asleep. She sleeps anywhere from 1/2 hour to 3 or 4 hours at a stretch.</li>
<li><b>11 AM - 10 PM</b> - When Zoe is asleep, I eat. If I have more time, I worked on this blog post, looked through my email for important ones, and other such tasks. At around 6 PM, when my partner is no longer working, I take a shower and pump, while he gives her a bottle. If I have to leave to go anywhere, I pump before I leave. I've managed to store about five bags of 4 oz of milk in the fridge, and about the same number in the freezer.</li>
<li><b>10 PM - 11 PM</b> - Zoe goes to sleep for the night. She's been sleeping between 5 - 7 hours per night. I know, I'm super lucky. I pump before I go to sleep.</li>
</ul>
<br />
<b>Must Have List</b><br />
Here's a list of items that we use on a daily basis, in no particular order.<br />
<ul>
<li><a href="https://tinybeans.app.link/JN85UDpXZz?referralCode=VQQEWB" target="_blank">Tinybeans</a> - a site where you can upload pictures, videos, and text about the baby. I like it because I can tightly control who has access to it and compared to having a Facebook group dedicated to Zoe, I'm not giving Facebook access to all the pictures. The link is a referral link, so I'd get a month of free premium if you sign up.</li>
<li><a href="http://amzn.to/2eEnlZ4" target="_blank">Miracle Blanket Swaddle</a> - swaddling is essential, but Zoe is a little Houdini, so we got one of these for her, which we use pretty much every night. The velcro ones initially didn't fit her well and she still tends to be able to get an arm up and out. We have so so many soft and beautiful muslin blankets, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/dp/B003V1Y1L4?th=1" target="_blank">this one by aden + anais is my favorite</a>, but we cannot safely swaddle her in any of them because she breaks out of them right away, though they are great for draping over her when she's just in her diaper for warmth when I'm breastfeeding her.</li>
<li>Medela Symphony breast pump - because of concerns with milk supply, we rented this breast pump from the hospital/Lytle Center. It's very easy to use and was $90 for a month. I called my insurance and it turns out it's completely covered, especially because I got a prescription for it, so I ended up renting it for an entire year!</li>
<li><a href="http://amzn.to/2vwn9PK" target="_blank">A hands-free breast pump bra</a> - there's several different kinds, but you'll definitely want one so you can pump both breasts at the same time and not have to awkwardly hold the flanges. </li>
<li><a href="http://amzn.to/2eEeyGL" target="_blank">Milk storage bags</a> - though if the pump you got from your insurance allows you to pump directly into a bag, you might want to go with whatever bags allow you to do that.</li>
<li><a href="http://amzn.to/2gTdsaH" target="_blank">Bras for breastfeeding</a> - I pretty much live in these bras.</li>
<li><a href="http://amzn.to/2eEpios" target="_blank">Itzbeen Pocket Timer</a> - initially we used this to keep track of everything, as well as in a little notebook. Nowadays, I use it to keep track of the last time I breastfed her, how long she's slept, and the how long it's been since I pumped.</li>
<li><a href="http://amzn.to/2uDqDja" target="_blank">OXO Tot Brush Cleaner</a> - OXO makes a lot of great kitchen tools and this brush has a really soft brush, making it really easy to clean the breast pump stuff and bottle. We've been using<a href="http://amzn.to/2uyMERL" target="_blank"> Dr. Bronner's Unscented Baby Liquid Soap</a> with <a href="http://amzn.to/2uDthpl" target="_blank">foaming hand soap dispensers</a> in a 1:5 ratio. I decided to use unscented soap because in the beginning, we were sticking our fingers in her mouth pretty frequently, to feed her, massage the underside of her tongue, and to calm her.</li>
<li>Nursing pillow - my friend lent me a ton of baby stuff, including a <a href="http://amzn.to/2uDrFvw" target="_blank">Boppy</a> and a <a href="http://amzn.to/2h48cRH" target="_blank">My Brest Friend</a> nursing pillow. I used both, though mostly the Boppy these days in my rocking chair, though for the first few weeks, I practically lived in the My Brest Friend, which I used in bed.</li>
<li>Places for the baby to sleep - we got a <a href="http://amzn.to/2hcjJi0" target="_blank">Pack 'n Play</a> for Zoe's main nighttime sleeping and it's in our bedroom, but we spend the majority of the day in the living room, and bought <a href="http://amzn.to/2vU6g1q" target="_blank">a bassinet</a> off Craigslist to put on the futon.</li>
<li>Diapers - we decided to go with <a href="http://babydiaperservice.net/" target="_blank">Baby Diaper Service</a> (put down my name, Feiya Wang, if you decide to sign up!). It turns out that <a href="http://babydiaperservice.net/rewards/#save" target="_blank">it's not that expensive</a>, and it's true that the customer service is very friendly and helpful. Zoe has not had diaper rash at all. You'll want to get <a href="http://amzn.to/2vh7oyI" target="_blank">diaper covers</a> though, we have about 14. </li>
<li>Wipes - we use a ton of wipes. <a href="http://amzn.to/2uMWUoh" target="_blank">Amazon sensitive wipes</a> have been strong (we got a sample of Huggies that we keep in the diaper bag and those tear all the time), not too wet, and plenty big. We signed up for the subscription service, but after two weeks, we looked at our supply and it seemed like we might run out before they sent us the next batch, so we upped it to send us 2 packs of 6 wipe containers, we might have overdone it, but we'll see how many are left at the end of this month.</li>
<li>Large drink container - Swedish First Hill had these big, pink plastic drink containers with a lid and a handle and a straw that I have literally been using every day since I left the hospital. The only downside to it is that the front of the lid has a pour spout, which has caused multiple accidents. Luckily, all I've ever used it for is water. This is maybe one of the most important things to always have on hand so you can stay hydrated for milk production.</li>
<li>Bottle - our lactation consultant gave us a <a href="http://amzn.to/2uT9B2e" target="_blank">Dr. Brown's preemie nipple</a>, because it's the slowest flow bottle nipple available, so that early on, the baby doesn't start to prefer the bottle because it's easier. We ended up using <a href="http://amzn.to/2uUh55f" target="_blank">Munchkin Latch Stage 1 nipple bottle</a> because it's what my father-in-law was able to find at the store because the Dr. Brown's bottles that we had, the nipple was too small to fit them and we didn't have time to order one that would. The shape of the bottle is weird, and you have to turn the bottle upside down to get the last bit of the milk into the nipple, but there's less parts to clean than Dr. Brown's, which is nice since we don't have a dishwasher.</li>
<li>Car seat - I'd recommend taking a car seat class. It's not fun, but makes installing a car seat way less intimidating. We went with a <a href="http://amzn.to/2uWImSN" target="_blank">Graco car seat</a>, but most of the people in our PEPS group have Chiccos. Though we don't use the car seat every day, you can't actually leave the hospital without one.</li>
</ul>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<b>Essential for Me at Least</b></div>
<div>
I don't use these items daily, but when I needed them, they were super crucial.</div>
<div>
<ul>
<li><a href="https://smile.amazon.com/Motherlove-Certified-Organic-Cracked-Nursing/dp/B0007CQ726/" target="_blank">Nipple cream</a> - the hospital sent me home with several packets of lanolin, but my friend sent me this kind, which comes in a cute little pot. I tried using coconut oil for a while, but Zoe seemed to dislike the taste.</li>
<li>Gel pads - the hospital gave me <a href="http://amzn.to/2vUI3aw" target="_blank">Medela Hydrogel pads</a>, but I ended up buying some <a href="http://amzn.to/2gYhEWM" target="_blank">Lansinoh Soothies gel pads</a> because they have a cloth back and are much nicer. They're great for soothing achy nipples so that you can go to sleep and have protection against the nipple rubbing up against anything.</li>
<li><a href="http://amzn.to/2uRWvmV" target="_blank">Fridababy Fridet</a> - they'll give you a bottle when you're in the hospital to wash your bits with, but I packed this in my hospital bag and it was so great and easy to use.</li>
<li><a href="http://amzn.to/2urL9F5" target="_blank">Fridababy NailFrida</a> - I used the file to file down the baby's nails during the first couple weeks, and since then, the clipper to trim her nails every few days. She's started to claw at her face and it's really easy to use the nail clipper when she's in a milk coma. The little window on the nail clipper is ingenious. I got both Fridababy products in a <a href="http://amzn.to/2uuCfFh" target="_blank">kit</a> with a couple other items, which we haven't used yet.</li>
<li>Baby monitor - sound doesn't travel that well in the apartment, even though it's not that big and especially in the first few weeks, if we put Zoe down to sleep in the bedroom, it was reassuring to hear when she started crying right away so we could go to her. </li>
<li><a href="http://amzn.to/2uC5SEB" target="_blank">Avent Soothie pacifier</a> - sucking is incredibly soothing to babies, and once you learn what it is they need, whether it's a diaper change, they're hungry, or it's the middle of the night and you're changing their diaper and don't want to wake everyone else and rush through the diaper change, a pacifier is amazing for both your stress levels and the baby's. This pacifier is specifically made for 0-3 month olds. We always have one in the diaper bag, since it's not always possible to tend to her needs right away while we're out, and also by the diaper changing table. We didn't start using one right away, because of worries about it affecting breastfeeding, since that wasn't going well, but I wish we would have started using it sooner during night time diaper changes, it probably would have made everyone in the household calmer and less sleep-deprived. However, I also feel like it was good that we waited because we're much better at pinpointing what it is she needs based on her cries and the situation and we try to reserve using it only when we're out and about.</li>
<li><a href="http://amzn.to/2uCsxkb" target="_blank">Burt's Bees burp cloths</a> - Zoe initially didn't spit up at all, but she does fall off the nipple and have a dribble of milk escape the side of her mouth all the time. These are some of my favorite burp cloths that we have, once you wash them a couple times, they're really absorbent and feel like your favorite t-shirt. Sometimes a burp cloth is just nice to have on your bare shoulder when you're burping the baby so that their face doesn't stick to your skin. I got a set of <a href="http://amzn.to/2tZG6Io" target="_blank">Carter's burp cloths</a> from a co-worker at my work baby shower, which are really nice too and match the outfit they gave me. We're constantly misplacing the burp cloths and they seem to just disappear, so it's nice to have some all around the apartment within easy reach.</li>
<li>Nursing tops - I mostly go around the apartment in just a bra and stretchy pants, but when I need to leave and anticipate the possibility that I might need to nurse Zoe, I found I had almost no clothes that both fit me and were comfortable to use to nurse in. This <a href="http://amzn.to/2uDCGgo" target="_blank">nursing tank top</a> is my favorite so far, for ease of use, style, and comfort. I got it in small, and it fits, but also got it in medium and it's much more comfortable. There's a lot of nursing tops out there and I got a few that have holes that are covered by cloth, but for now all that extra cloth just makes it difficult to wrangle the baby, her arms, the opening in the shirt, and my breast into her mouth, so that by the time I finally get her to latch on, we're both sweaty.</li>
<li>Bath stuff - there's tons out there, but you need something to wash the baby in once their belly button stump falls off. We had no trouble whatsoever with the stump, besides the fact that it had some pretty sharp edges, so if Zoe didn't have a shirt on, it would poke uncomfortably into me during skin-to-skin. Our friend got us this <a href="http://amzn.to/2uPbqxk" target="_blank">adorable rain cloud bath toy</a> and we've been using it as a mini handheld shower and it's nice to use to get her face wet and get her used to having water on her face without splashing a bunch on her head at once. We got the <a href="http://amzn.to/2uOrHlY" target="_blank">Babyganics foaming shampoo & body wash</a> and the fact that it comes out foaming is nice.</li>
<li>Panty liners - I used hundreds of panty liners, starting sometime in my 3rd trimester and for 6 weeks after I gave birth. <a href="http://amzn.to/2u2fH1A" target="_blank">Carefree panty liners</a> were the best that I found.</li>
<li><a href="http://amzn.to/2hmbfEO" target="_blank">Diaper bag with a changing pad</a> - key here is the changing pad so you can change a diaper almost anywhere, like in the park.</li>
<li>Stroller - <a href="http://amzn.to/2uWYUtR" target="_blank">ours pairs with the car seat</a>, but has terrible suspension. It's nice that it's light and folds up though. You'll have to decide what features are important to you.</li>
<li><a href="https://www.babylist.com/index" target="_blank">Babylist</a> - we had several registries and was able to import them into Babylist and also ask for things like people's favorite books and for cash for diapers. It was even still useful now to help me make this blog post!</li>
</ul>
</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<b>Nice to Have</b><br />
You could definitely do without these, but I thought they're pretty useful.<br />
<ul>
<li><a href="http://amzn.to/2ulASdA" target="_blank">Baby 411 book</a> - we all have easy access to Google these days, but the problem is that you can easily fall into a rabbit hole of conflicting information, and in the middle of the night, when you just want to know if yellow poop vs green poop meant anything, we found it was easier to look at the index and flip to the page, than do a search online.</li>
<li><a href="https://smile.amazon.com/Expecting-Better-Conventional-Pregnancy-Wrong/dp/0143125702" target="_blank">Expecting Better book</a> - I actually found out about this book after I'd already had Zoe, but from friends who have read it, it seems like a Baby 411 but for pre-baby questions. I definitely plan to pick up a copy in a few years when I'm ready to have my second baby!</li>
<li>Baby wrap/carrier - we got a <a href="http://amzn.to/2ulrpmC" target="_blank">Moby wrap</a> on loan from a friend and I was contacted by someone on Facebook to try out the <a href="http://amzn.to/2eMxUJu" target="_blank">Beebeerun wrap</a> for free in exchange for a review. The material for the Beebeerun was different, lighter, which I liked. But a wrap of some sort is really nice when you don't want to have the bulk of a stroller and it also calms the baby and she spends most of the time in the wrap sleeping. A sling seems like it might be easier to put the baby into and out of, but slings don't grow with the baby. We also got an <a href="http://amzn.to/2uvJ8Yh" target="_blank">Ergobaby 360</a> and have recently been able to start using it because a friend gifted us with an infant insert, so we don't have to wait until she can hold her head up consistently to use it.</li>
<li>Food you can eat with one hand - one of the nice things about having my mom living with us for the first month and my dad living with us for the second month is that there's always someone there to hand me what I need if I'm buried under the baby. And most of the time those things are my phone, water, or food. If you're on your own, take the extra minute or two to make sure you have everything you need (and on the side that you'll have a free arm) before you let the baby latch on, otherwise you'll be uncomfortably distracted.</li>
<li><a href="http://www.whatigather.com/frozen-postpartum-pads-aloe-witch-hazel/" target="_blank">Padsicles</a> - my partner helped me make these and while I didn't use up all 25 that we made, they were definitely really nice to have. I probably would have used more if it had been easier to remember to get one out before I went<span style="font-family: inherit;"> to the bathroom. Definitely have more than 25 that aren't in the freezer, because no matter how you have the baby, you'll be bleeding for a few weeks. It won't seem like a ton of blood because yous should be going to the bathroom every couple hours if you stay hydrated.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://amzn.to/2uTTrFR" target="_blank">Motherlove Sitz Spray</a> - For vaginal deliveries, it was nice to have this to spray on if a padsicle wasn't readily at hand. There's "bath" versions which you can immerse your bits in, but I thought that was too much hassle.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://amzn.to/2uX37Oh" target="_blank">Dreft baby detergent </a>- we've been using this since before day 1 to wash all baby stuff and she hasn't had any skin problems besides a bit of newborn rash for a couple days after she was born and the baby acne that showed up after the first week is still clearing up at week 7.</span></li>
<li>Nursing pads - you'll likely be sticky with milk at some point, but you'll be able to save your bra from being soaked. <a href="http://amzn.to/2u8VwiC" target="_blank"><span id="goog_1569851008"></span>These are nice and thin<span id="goog_1569851009"></span></a>, and <a href="https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B071W3WQF3" target="_blank">these are my favorite because they're perfect size for smaller breasts and are cone-shaped</a>. <a href="http://amzn.to/2hrCUUW" target="_blank">These are also nice and would work better for bigger breasts</a>.</li>
<li><a href="https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B00HD0WCWY" target="_blank">Maymom breastshield/flange</a> for breast pump. You'll want to find which size works best for your nipples, I used 26 mm and went through a phase where I tried other ones, but just stuck to the same ones that the lactation consultant suggested. They say that after a while your nipples might change. These are specifically for Medela breast pumps, but I like them more than the Medela brand ones. However, you can't use the manual pump with these flanges. I bought these so I could have a set at work and liked them so much that I got another set to use at home. They cause more condensation in the tubes, but because the tube is connected at a more horizontal angle, it almost never gets accidentally knocked out. I just continue to run the pump while I wash or rinse the pump pieces to dry out the tubes.</li>
</ul>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14620532390523006497noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2965945339674763617.post-37977005355973618862016-09-30T23:04:00.000-07:002016-09-30T23:04:02.312-07:00My XOXOIf you're looking for an overview of XOXO 2016, email me a mailing address at feiya dot wang at gmail and I'll send you the zine I made. And while you're waiting for that, you could check out <a href="http://tantek.com/2016/257/b1/xoxofest-overviews-personal-perspectives" target="_blank">the collection of overviews</a> gathered by Tantek Çelik, the #xoxofest hashtag on Twitter, or read my <a href="http://roughdreamer.blogspot.com/2015/10/xoxo2015.html" target="_blank">XOXO 2015 overview</a>.<br />
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For the rest of this blog post, I'm going to ramble on a bit about a few moments of my XOXO experience that stuck with me.<br />
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<b>Bathroom Splinter</b><br />
While washing my hands in the bathroom, I noticed <a href="https://twitter.com/alexandraswast" target="_blank">Alex Swast</a> waiting off to the side and from the ongoing conversation, it turned out that a XOXO volunteer had gotten a splinter in her thumb and Alex was keeping her company while she tried to get it out. I was wearing a pin that had been gifted to me by <a href="https://twitter.com/JennSandercock" target="_blank">Jenn Sandercock</a>, for her <a href="https://xoxofest.com/2016/projects/the-order-of-the-oven-mitt" target="_blank">Order of the Oven Mitt</a> edible game and it happened to be a brooch-type pin. I offered to let her use it to perform thumb splinter surgery and she was able to successfully get it out! It was a somewhat surreal experience, but I was happy to have stopped and been able to be of assistance! <br />
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<b>Got "Recognized" by a Stranger</b><br />
While I was waiting in the coffee line at one point, <a href="https://twitter.com/dirosaur" target="_blank">Dee Del Rosario</a> came up and introduced themselves saying that they knew me through a mutual friend and that we had common interests that they'd like to pick my brain about! I was incredibly surprised that they had been able to pick me out of the crowd, but they said that our mutual friend had shown them some of my wedding pictures! It was a pleasant surprise and while I didn't get to talk to Dee much at XOXO, it was great getting to make that connection.<br />
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<b>Homestar Runner</b><br />
I was pretty excited to see Homestar Runner live and they did a puppet Strong Bad and live singing and music of the Trogdor episode, however, there were some transphobic jokes in some of the episodes that were shown that were incredibly out of place and not in the spirit of XOXO. I was disappointed that the Andys didn't call it out; I think it would have been good to publicly denounce it.<br />
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<b>Pins</b><br />
I really latched on to the pin trading, even though I've never traded pins before and it was fun having a quest of sorts. The best moment however was near the end of XOXO, when I was feeling somewhat despondent that I would ever secure a joystick pin, one of the most hotly guarded pins. My partner, <a href="https://twitter.com/pat_of_kemp" target="_blank">Pat Kemp</a>, had a few days earlier lost his <a href="https://twitter.com/spryfox" target="_blank">Spry Fox</a> bear pin and we went to the lost & found to see if someone had turned it in. Not only had someone turned in the bear pin, but when I spotted the joystick pin on the lanyard of a volunteer behind the booth, he very very graciously offered to just give it to me! I'm a completionist, so it was really amazing and I felt so happy. Thank you volunteer.<br />
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<b>#ladies Meetup</b><br />
I had a great time at last year's #ladies meetup and this year was no different, we were much more spread out, but I really enjoyed talking with <a href="https://twitter.com/jenapyle" target="_blank">Jena Pyle</a>, <a href="https://twitter.com/FeyNudibranch" target="_blank">Kara Sowles</a>, & <a href="https://twitter.com/rachelnabors" target="_blank">Rachel Nabers</a>, who I had met last year. I was really anxious to go to the meetup because I found I had all these questions I wanted to pose to the women about the women's group that I had been organizing and how to re-energize it. But the really lovely part of it was afterwards, when Rachel and I walked back to Revolution Hall and had a fabulous heart to heart about a variety of topics.<br />
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I'd love to share the fun little zine I made about XOXO with you. Just send me your mailing address via email at feiya dot wang at gmail or <a href="https://twitter.com/RoughDreamer" target="_blank">DM me on Twitter</a>! I promise I won't do anything with the address besides mail you a zine.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNXzrireEMsKM3H004H_rm0SRiAnXca0RKwn6Gz9s0ZVIbdZpaMptRA72I9wyqWrkuPT6DOkWpsbH7KI44UsgtvcF6ZJy6_n9EcP34IpI6ME711Yg-QdFIsSLk1_gAmv5qtkb7MkkEFPsD/s1600/XOXO2016Zine.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNXzrireEMsKM3H004H_rm0SRiAnXca0RKwn6Gz9s0ZVIbdZpaMptRA72I9wyqWrkuPT6DOkWpsbH7KI44UsgtvcF6ZJy6_n9EcP34IpI6ME711Yg-QdFIsSLk1_gAmv5qtkb7MkkEFPsD/s320/XOXO2016Zine.jpg" width="180" /></a></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14620532390523006497noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2965945339674763617.post-1269551729527815472016-06-24T11:59:00.004-07:002016-06-24T12:00:19.658-07:00Sundown at the Devil's House Review<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvV5QilipY4NKVR_TkxKqUNM0lChl_-m-VXiseg0bAb7gfHi9Wqsn2j6H-2AmsCHkxDW-2eDqjDEK79JvJBgi95XXJOWG1oOmtRhyB4KkHkgoxKpfgaE8UeufNRzRLLKI3nwrOZpLxz_G3/s1600/13086778_10100831918505470_4173691486150210041_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="120" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvV5QilipY4NKVR_TkxKqUNM0lChl_-m-VXiseg0bAb7gfHi9Wqsn2j6H-2AmsCHkxDW-2eDqjDEK79JvJBgi95XXJOWG1oOmtRhyB4KkHkgoxKpfgaE8UeufNRzRLLKI3nwrOZpLxz_G3/s320/13086778_10100831918505470_4173691486150210041_o.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://sundownatthedevilshouse.bpt.me/" target="_blank">Sundown at the Devil's House</a> is Cafe Nordo's first "<a href="http://www.cafenordo.com/pressure-cooker/" target="_blank">Pressure Cooker</a>" experiment and without a doubt, it has produced delicious results. I saw the opening night, Thursday show and was blown away.<br />
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This is dinner theater like you've never experienced. It's not sexy dinner theater. It's not tacky or roll-your-eyes cheesy dinner theater. It's not a mystery dinner theater. What it is though, is a sinfully delicious 4-course dinner seamlessly interwoven with theater, stories, & music.</div>
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The Devil's gravelly voice & spirit guide you through delightful tales from the point of view of the fallen angel. The music, scenes, food & drink are integrated in such a way that you just have enough time to catch your breath and appreciate each course and paired drink (a $20 upgrade that is not to be missed), before being sucked into the next story. The stories are funny and make you feel alive but is at no point scary or depressing. The lovingly detailed papercraft is a surprising delight to behold and transforms the one room brick theater.</div>
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You are welcome to be as involved in the initial summoning of the Devil as you would like, but I was happy that the majority of the show, while incredibly immersive, doesn't create the atmosphere in a taxing way. My only complaint was that the main course, a scrumptious jambalaya, and the last scene overlapped a bit and I was unable to fully appreciate either as much as I would have liked. In all the other courses, I had plenty of time to savor each bite and chat comfortably with my tablemates before the lights dimmed and the next story began.</div>
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Since Sundown at the Devil's House is the first Cafe Nordo's Pressure Cooker show, it has a short run of only 5 shows, and <a href="http://sundownatthedevilshouse.bpt.me/" target="_blank">only 2 shows still have seats available</a>, Saturday June 25th & Monday June 27th.</div>
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Hats off to the entire cast and crew and I look forward to future Cafe Nordo productions.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14620532390523006497noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2965945339674763617.post-16326053148824266782016-04-14T10:54:00.000-07:002016-04-14T10:54:34.277-07:00Whitewashing of Asians in Media<div data-contents="true">
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<span data-offset-key="9doi0-0-0"><span data-text="true">In case you haven't heard, <a href="http://io9.gizmodo.com/our-first-look-at-scarlett-johansson-as-ghost-in-the-sh-1770937689" target="_blank">they cast a white woman (Scarlett Johansson) as the lead in Ghost in the Shell, which is a Japanese anime</a>.</span></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="q8em-0-0"><span data-text="true">When I see whitewashing of Asian culture & people in the media, I'm angry, but also sad at the same time. I've heard so many stories of Asians who grew up in families where they were whitewashed by their own parents and now struggle to regain their sense of culture and past and how it fits in with their identity. </span></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="35ii9-0-0"><span data-text="true">It's a vicious cycle. Being white and acting white are held up as the standard for success and being successful is of utmost importance. We need to value our Asian heritage and defend it and fight for it, but first we need to unlearn those lessons taught to us as children of immigrants. That unbroken and unaccented English is the most beautiful, that wearing a uniform of jeans and sneakers helps us blend in, that eating bland sandwiches and fruit rollups would help us not seem “other”, that when we did get teased and bullied, to not make a fuss and ignore it so that we can survive another day. That our success in the world would make up for it. </span></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="6hf3b-0-0"><span data-text="true">We are in a system that has a set of rules and playing by those rules makes life easier and not playing by them means that you’re punished, sometimes outrageously so. But I think one of the reasons Asians are not a vocal lot, is because deep down, we’ve accepted that Asian culture is not as valuable. We’ve done such a good job of assimilating that we've lost that sense of urgency and ownership. This fight? No, no, that's not <strong>my</strong> fight, that's <strong>someone else's</strong> fight. And soon enough, there won't be any fights, it'll just be the accepted norm. Being white cannot and should not be the norm. We all need to remember that and fight against it.</span></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14620532390523006497noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2965945339674763617.post-38164007798157721172016-03-25T11:39:00.000-07:002016-03-25T11:39:32.413-07:00ACTLab & Red Stage: Worse Than Tigers Review<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoTHha0MEDJA9TTCWuOVxhO1_1KFXAnwrKMRLvwGJw1IAZ505UdhVTqPMSzKrg8pg1mtKj0xfqzuFnpqe3A1G_aKmE9sFILIsGYI7PSDvkoMBvChOTmF2YwZPRJ4fOdE5zaYVF-7vnoeM7/s1600/Tigers_Playpage_Header2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="83" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoTHha0MEDJA9TTCWuOVxhO1_1KFXAnwrKMRLvwGJw1IAZ505UdhVTqPMSzKrg8pg1mtKj0xfqzuFnpqe3A1G_aKmE9sFILIsGYI7PSDvkoMBvChOTmF2YwZPRJ4fOdE5zaYVF-7vnoeM7/s320/Tigers_Playpage_Header2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://www.acttheatre.org/Tickets/OnStage/WorseThanTigers" target="_blank">Worse Than Tigers</a> is about people who are desperate, but for reasons that might not be obvious. It's a brain twister-y exploration into the idea of safety and empathy.<br />
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The two main characters, Olivia and Humphry, have built up so many distractions that they can't see past, and are both just soundlessly screaming into the void. It's bitter and caustic, but surprisingly not in a depressing sort of way. Humphry has perfected the persona of the nice, caring husband, where nice means placating, and caring means only things that are good for you are allowed. Olivia appears to be the consummate wife; however, while she's attentive, it's obvious she's completely detached and does so by rote habit. <br />
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The show is gorgeously furnished by Stoneway Furniture, but a cheesy set piece/light and cell phone sound effects marred an otherwise mature production. The audience hems in the one room stage, slowly building a claustrophobic atmosphere that by the end, will leave you questioning how we got to a place where the answer is always safe = good.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14620532390523006497noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2965945339674763617.post-82080442925689426272016-02-18T23:09:00.000-08:002016-02-18T23:10:50.006-08:00Sinner Saint Burlesque: Forces of Nature Review<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I just got back from the opening night of <a href="http://www.sinnersaintburlesque.com/" target="_blank">Sinner Saint Burlesque</a>'s newest show: <a href="https://www.facebook.com/events/911474002282999/" target="_blank">Forces of Nature</a>. It's billed as "An Opulent Strip Tease Tribute to the Natural World" and was a whirlwind of scrumptious costumes and dazzling creativity.<br />
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If you've never seen burlesque before, this production is a fun treat that is equal parts high brow (there's a lot of voice over speeches & poetry in-between acts), traditional strip tease (gloves, glitter, silk & pasties), as well as sometimes irrelevant tongue-in-cheek humor that makes you fall a little bit in love with the performers for their honesty. Even the stage kittening (people who pick up the clothes & props) between the performances were a delightful transition.<br />
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While there were a few parts of the show where the music was distractingly loud, the overall show struck a balance between being sensuous, playful, and artistic without being crude (okay...except for that one time...oh and that other time where everyone was a delicious writhing mass on the ground...).<br />
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What makes Forces of Nature stand out to me however, is that it's a refreshingly Seattle, feminist, and unapologetic celebration of diversity in body types. Not everyone has shaved armpits. Not everyone has toned arms. Not everyone has big boobs. Not everyone has a flat stomach. It's the people that you see on your morning commute, transformed into decadent creatures stalking the stage. It's a show worth seeing whether you're a burlesque virgin, or well-acquainted with its charms.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14620532390523006497noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2965945339674763617.post-62814972098751349212015-12-21T10:15:00.002-08:002015-12-21T11:52:09.323-08:00White Elephant Variant: Barter ElephantsCurrently a WIP because I thought of this on my bus ride into work today. I like <a href="https://www.whiteelephantrules.com/" target="_blank">white elephant gift exchanges</a>, but I always feel like there isn't enough interaction and people who have later numbers in the gift opening process have a huge advantage. So here's my attempt at making a more fun gift giving exchange. <br />
If you try this out, please comment below and let me know how it went. I'm open to any comments or suggestions!<br />
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<strong>Barter Elephant Rules:</strong><br />
<strong>1.</strong> Draw numbers.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Open wrapped presents in order.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> NO STEALING.<br />
<strong>4.</strong> After everyone has opened a present, Barter Cocktail Time begins.<br />
<strong>5.</strong> For the next half an hour, everyone attempts to <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/One_red_paperclip" target="_blank">paperclip < house</a> their way to their desired item and/or negotiate additional perks that would be exchanged in order to sweeten the deal.<br />
<strong>6.</strong> Gifts are redistributed at the end of the Barter Cocktail Time depending on if any deals were successfully made.<br />
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<strong>Edit: </strong>Changed the name from Barter HolidayTown to Barter Elephants.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14620532390523006497noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2965945339674763617.post-82081022807782620362015-10-05T21:09:00.000-07:002015-10-05T21:09:00.436-07:00XOXO 2015 - The Best Conference I've Ever Been ToWhen I first heard about the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/XOXO_Festival" target="_blank">XOXO Festival</a>, it was described with a mysterious and mystical air, an elusive and exclusive technology conference in Portland. You had to fill out a form to get the opportunity to go and it boasted speakers AND attendees that were movers and shakers in the tech world. I imagined it was like a turnkey Burning Man camp.<br />
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I've had the good fortune of attending Burning Man twice, in 2012 and 2014, so I figured, hell, why not give it a shot, I'm a pretty diverse and interesting individual, maybe I have <a href="http://blog.xoxofest.com/post/121117969690/2015-registration" target="_blank">a shot at buying tickets in the lottery</a>. And it was the best four days I've spent surrounded by strangers with a schedule of activities. Yes, even better than tour-guided vacations.<br />
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<b>Thursday</b><br />
The very first night, I met <a href="https://twitter.com/sophmelc" target="_blank">Sophie</a> & <a href="https://twitter.com/jennitalula" target="_blank">Jenni</a> from New Zealand and pretty much spent some part of every day of XOXO hanging out with them. They were fun, laid back, and it was easy to feel comfortable around them.<br />
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While wandering around looking at the VR games, we saw <a href="https://twitter.com/brianfetter" target="_blank">Brian Fetter</a> and his sister <a href="https://twitter.com/fetter_laura" target="_blank">Laura Fetter</a>, who were repping shirts from Brian's game <b><a href="http://store.steampowered.com/app/341800" target="_blank">Keep Talking And No One Explodes</a> </b>and looking for people to demo the game. Luckily, we saw them right before they set up shop and pretty much hung out with them for the next hour. <a href="https://twitter.com/pat_of_kemp" target="_blank">Pat Kemp</a> (my partner) and Brian talked video game shop, while Laura and I had a leisurely conversation about all sorts of things and demoed the game to the couple of curious people that wandered past.<br />
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<b>Friday</b><br />
Was a blur of social events, meeting people, and <b><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dan_Deacon" target="_blank">DAN DEACON</a></b>.<br />
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<a href="http://groundkontrol.com/" target="_blank">Ground Kontrol</a> was free to play, so I got to play some more <a href="http://killerqueenarcade.com/" target="_blank">Killer Queen</a>. I much prefer the setup at the <a href="http://chicago.curbed.com/archives/2015/04/06/at-cards-against-humanitys-office-we------------in-the-moroccan-room.php" target="_blank">Cards Against Humanity office in Chicago</a> because it allows for more smack talk as well as sportsmanship.<br />
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And then I got to experience the joyous wonder that is Dan Deacon. This statement from Dan Deacon's Wikipedia page sums up, but in no way accurately describes, the experience of attending a Dan Deacon concert:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Deacon is renowned for his live shows, where large-scale audience participation and interaction is often a major element of the performance.</blockquote>
As I've been telling people, it was like a giant ice breaker performance art with the two hundred or so attendees of the concert. Afterwards, I was exhilarated and exhausted, my hands hurt, and I couldn't wait to wash my hands extremely thoroughly. I absolutely love performance art and being able to interact authentically with strangers and feel part of a whole. I also had the pleasure of giving Dan Deacon a high-five. I didn't want him to feel left out of the beautiful thing he created.<br />
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<b>Saturday</b><br />
The start of two days crammed full of inspiring and heart-provoking talks that gave glimpses into the struggles and victories of people from all corners of the creative technology ecosystem. On Saturday I learned "<b>You can better show a thing than explain it.</b>"<br />
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I was impressed by the diversity of the speakers as well as the diversity of the conference attendees. Apparently, 47% of the attendees were women.<br />
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I was extremely fortunate to stumble upon and experience <a href="http://games.rainb.ro/andmaybetheywontkillyou/andmaybetheywontkillyou.html" style="font-weight: bold;" target="_blank">&maybetheywontkillyou</a>, in which you role-play as a black teenager going to the store. It was made by <a href="https://twitter.com/akira_t" target="_blank">Akira Thompson</a> and I really enjoyed chatting with him afterwards. It's been one of main things I bring up when talking to people about XOXO as an example of an important and necessary creative outreach that should be supported and that space should be made for.<br />
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I had a delicious dinner with <a href="https://twitter.com/SamanthaZero" target="_blank">Samantha Kalman</a> and we talked about the future of <a href="http://www.invisiblearcade.com/" target="_blank">Invisible Arcade</a>, an event that I've been helping her put on in Seattle.<br />
<br />
<b>Sunday</b><br />
Started with the best breakfast burrito I have ever had. Even better, while we were waiting for it from the <a href="http://www.friedegglove.com/" target="_blank">Fried Egg, I'm in Love</a> food truck conveniently located by our AirBnB, we got to chat with <a href="https://twitter.com/LuBellWoo" target="_blank">Lucy Bellwood</a>, a delightful individual who did all of the <a href="http://lucybellwood.com/2015/09/15/xoxo-livesketches/" target="_blank">live sketches of the XOXO talks</a>.<br />
<br />
On Sunday I learned "<b>Our designs are value systems.</b>"<br />
<br />
I was lucky enough to be invited to lunch with a small group that included <a href="https://twitter.com/warandpeace" target="_blank">Andrew Ferguson</a>, <a href="https://twitter.com/tonyszhou" target="_blank">Tony Zhou</a>, <a href="https://twitter.com/Iron_Spike" target="_blank">Spike Trotman</a>, and <a href="https://twitter.com/ncasenmare" target="_blank">Nicky Case</a>, all of whom were fun and interesting to talk to. At one point, we had an entire table discussion on the difficult question of whether or not to have kids. From the conversation, Tony recommended that I watch (in order) <span id="goog_940142116"></span><a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0063522/" target="_blank">Rosemary's Baby</a>, <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2321549/" target="_blank">The Babadook</a>, and <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1242460/" target="_blank">We Need to Talk About Kevin</a>. I watched the first two just yesterday, back to back and am waiting for the third from the library. So far, I'm no less fearful of having kids, but the good news is that I'm no more fearful of having kids than before either.<span id="goog_940142117"></span><br />
<br />
At the Electric Objects Salon, one of its curators, <a href="https://twitter.com/tinysubversions" target="_blank">Darius Kazemi</a>, gave a tour of the exhibit, which was fascinating, especially because I had gone through the exhibit on my own earlier and missed so so much of the backstories behind each piece. Also, I love tours.<br />
<br />
Finally, I spent much of the rest of the night, and a couple of hours on Monday, talking to <a href="https://twitter.com/rachelnabors" target="_blank">Rachel Nabors</a> and had her <a href="https://twitter.com/RoughDreamer/status/643476820558413828" target="_blank">draw on my XOXO badge</a>.<br />
<br />
<b>In Conclusion...</b><br />
XOXO to me was a four day conversation that I had about my place in the world and how I can make it better. I was deeply inspired and humbled by all of the authentic and engaged discussions that I had with everyone that I met, not just those that I mentioned here. If you ever get a chance to go, I would challenge you to take every opportunity to talk with someone because at its core, XOXO is about people.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14620532390523006497noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2965945339674763617.post-84843612354257164012015-02-16T19:50:00.002-08:002015-02-17T10:09:01.888-08:00Death Becomes YouD&D Next with <u><a href="http://www.lamemage.com/" target="_blank">Ben Robbins</a></u>.<br />
Start from the beginning: <u><a href="http://roughdreamer.blogspot.com/2013/12/slave-galleys-suck.html" target="_blank">Slave Galleys Suck</a></u><br />
Previous Session: <a href="http://roughdreamer.blogspot.com/2014/02/magic-not-for-faint-of-heart.html" target="_blank">Magic: Not for the Faint of Heart</a><br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
They followed the crowd to the mysterious death and found the entire town outside of the deceased leather worker's house/shop. Gephart, the governor of Port Halke, was anxiously wringing his hands and looking flustered, but no one paid him any mind. Everyone was quietly talking in groups or standing somberly stone-faced. Wallach, a sturdy individual that was viewed as somewhat of a hero among the workers, was surrounded by men that were barely keeping their frustrated and somewhat frightened anger under control. They glared at the trio as they approached.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Not ones to be cowered by such blatant and undeserved hostility, Kelti, Titus, and Visage made some perfunctory small talk and then casually asked, "Does anyone know what happened here?"<br />
When their question was met with suspicious shrugs, they looked at each other and remarked that perhaps the answer laid inside. Most shrugged indifferently and waved them towards the entrance, but some cast fearful glances at their inquiry. These strangers who were so recently shipwrecked certainly have a healthy sense of morbid curiosity.<br />
<br />
Once inside, it was obvious that the cause of the poor leather worker's death was tied to whatever ailment had befallen Morrow, the town wizard. The leather worker's face was contorted in a similar horrified scream of terror. However, upon closer inspection, they noticed that there were black fingerprints that marred his thick neck, which were barely covered by his stiff collar.<br />
<br />
Shaken to their core, the trio turned to leave and were met by Korlav, who shook his head at their audacity and warned them that rumors were being spread by those suspicious of their intent. Whispers of black sorcery and ill-fated midnight jaunts spread quickly.<br />
<br />
As they walked past Wallach, he gave them a side glance and muttered loud enough for them to hear, "He was a good guy. Maybe you don't know how good you had it." The lackeys surrounding him nodded grimly and their hard stares followed them until they walked out of view.<br />
<br />
They went quickly past the wizard's hut and grabbed a few books for Visage. Titus spent the afternoon in the longshore house, playing dice with sailors, while Visage managed to learn two spells from the books. Kelti, always one for reckless adventuring, decided to take a walk by herself. She wandered by the graveyard and sees a figure hunched in the distance. As she got closer, she realized with a start that it was Morrow, still very much dead, but no longer unmoving.<br />
<br />
Before she could wrap her head around the impossible sight before her, Not-Quite-Morrow lurched towards her and wrapped his cold fingers around her neck and tried to choke the life out of her. A yell escaped from her lips before her throat was shut off. Luckily, she was able to break free of him before she lost consciousness and she desperately shoved him back before running back to the house for help.<br />
<br />
The townsfolk were wild with fear after hearing her story and immediately set off for Morrow's hut to burn it down to the ground. As the crowd gathered around the burning hut, a scream pierced the air and soon the entire crowd was trying to get away from undead Morrow who had joined them. This time they were prepared. They circled Morrow and hit him with a hammer, breaking both his arms and finally he was still again. Visage knew that the only way to keep the dead from rising was to make sure they had no more bodies to inhabit. They spend the rest of the night digging up the dead and burning them in the hut fire. </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14620532390523006497noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2965945339674763617.post-19163148268549893282014-11-08T11:26:00.001-08:002014-11-08T11:26:27.684-08:00TumblrSo I haven't written here in a while. I still have the last D&D Next session to finish writing up (if I can scrape together what happened) and then perhaps we'll do a Microscope session to wrap things up, now that it's been months since the last play session.<br />
<br />
I started a Tumblr: <b><a href="http://feiyawang.tumblr.com/" target="_blank">Write Some Shit</a></b>. It holds the daily writing prompts that I signed up for from <a href="http://www.sarahselecky.com/" target="_blank">Sarah Selecky</a>. Who I found doing a Google search for daily writing prompts. It's been 40 days since I started doing them, and I've found I've really enjoyed playing around. The 10 minute limit helps me keep things short and since they're writing tasks, I end whenever I feel like. It's the fun of setting something up, giving the promise of something interesting and then fading away into the mist. No real pressure to actually think of something cool happening. Just hints and sad musings.<br />
<br />
Work on the book has somewhat resumed. It's a little crazy to think it's been a year already and I've only added about 4k words since Nanowrimo last year. I think the outline structure isn't working out for me, when I look at it, even though it's only for the next chapter or so, it feel like a task list instead of something exciting and surprising. I think similar to your first trip somewhere, it always feels longer because you don't know where you're going. It feels even longer when you map out bits and pieces and can feel how long it'll take to get to those pieces and then think, that's just a part of the whole way.<br />
<br />
The plan is still to keep on chugging away at it, but these daily writing prompts have been fun and some interesting pieces have come out of it. A secondary goal is to spend extra writing time, after I've been warmed up on the writing prompts, to write a bit on the Novel and try and ignore the small outline. Then, finally, to finish the D&D Next write up! I hate having unfinished projects.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14620532390523006497noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2965945339674763617.post-62391848634979650072014-03-09T20:38:00.001-07:002014-03-09T20:38:08.115-07:00Hackfinder - Pathfinder with a Story Gaming EmphasisThis was my first experience with the <a href="http://paizo.com/pathfinderRPG" target="_blank">Pathfinder Roleplaying Game</a>. Previously, I played 4E D&D for 4 1/2 years. Since we played "Hackfinder", a version of Pathfinder that <a href="http://www.pathfinderwiki.com/wiki/Jerome_Virnich" target="_blank">Jerome Virnich</a> created that involves more roleplaying scenes with NPCs, I didn't really learn that much about the difference between Pathfinder vs D&D. Two of the players were Pathfinder veterans and they work for <a href="https://goblinworks.com/" target="_blank">Goblinworks</a> and Pat (who's also in the <a href="http://roughdreamer.blogspot.com/2013/12/slave-galleys-suck.html" target="_blank">D&D Next game</a>) had played Hackfinder before.<br />
<br />
Before we launched into it, we each created several NPCs that ranged from Timmy, Velt's 10 year old son, various Guild heads, Frey, a cult leader, Yana, a brothel mistress, and Simeon, a snake oil salesman. Much of the information gathering was accomplished by having scenes with NPCs that were played by anyone who wasn't in the scene as a PC.<br />
<br />
During two of the smaller battles, half of us who weren't in the battle played the NPCs that they were fighting. It was fun to be involved in the scene and we weren't so invested in our PCs that we felt like we were being traitors. However, for me, who had a bit of hard time reading the NPC sheet stats and how to do battles, it was somewhat of a challenge.<br />
<br />
<b>Jerome Virnich - </b>GM<br />
<b>Me - </b>Velt Render, male, pampered rich Halfling who ran away from the Mainland, learned how to be a rogue by paying for lessons.<br />
<b>Pat - </b>Lok, female, born in the lost colony settlement, grew up feral, works as hired muscle.<br />
<b>Stephen - </b>Doc Splody, male, traveled around the world to learn more about alchemy.<br />
<b>Tork - </b>Chetan, male, 3rd incarnation, works as bookkeeper for the shop.<br />
<br />
The settlement of Ardis was founded by people who were escaping the mainland for religious reasons, entrepreneurs looking to profit from exporting the various goods of the area, or just people who were looking to make a new start. The surrounding forest was extremely dangerous, full of large kaiju and a mysterious madness that seemed to befall anyone who spent too much time in it. The four guilds that make up the settlement are:<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>the Vice Guild, who maintain the black market and the hired muscle, </li>
<li>the Alchemist Guild, who supply the drugs, other remedies, and explosives, </li>
<li>the Fish Mongers Guild, who treat the ocean and nearby river as their personal playground, keeping the settlement supplied in fish and the fish extract needed to make a popular drug.</li>
<li>the Blacksmith Guild, who make the weapons and build the structures that make up the settlement.</li>
<li>the Quarriers Guild, who manage the quarries.</li>
</ul>
<div>
<br /></div>
Velt, Lok, Doc Splody, and Chetan all work for the Alchemist Guild at Rainbow Remedies. Velt gathered information, Lok was the muscle, Doc Splody was the shop owner, and Chetan kept the books.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdOHO3GTqLGJSm9LKfIDbIuJgrKoffexh3kLbFLZWziCSWKmj4yJyprFBl0kJ6v6vaYDgIwPpTlFL_5bvmKJDKghfb96AOGtXjPidkB4EPPYqSEE0ZIbwuM2w_jFR4fxrKogPCaPOLR_Pj/s1600/Rainbow+Remedies+Shop+Sign.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdOHO3GTqLGJSm9LKfIDbIuJgrKoffexh3kLbFLZWziCSWKmj4yJyprFBl0kJ6v6vaYDgIwPpTlFL_5bvmKJDKghfb96AOGtXjPidkB4EPPYqSEE0ZIbwuM2w_jFR4fxrKogPCaPOLR_Pj/s1600/Rainbow+Remedies+Shop+Sign.jpg" height="194" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>Rainbow Remedies Shop Sign</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: xx-small;">Image created by Stephen Cheney</span></div>
<br />
Several rumors had been floating around and as is their wont, everyone congregates at the local tavern to suss out the truth from the falsehoods. The most tantalizing rumor, that the Vice Guild was throwing a big party, turned out to be the rumor that was verifiable, and everyone manages to secure entry into the exclusive event.<br />
<br />
At the party, the Vice Guild unveils their newest product, moss ale. Moss, gathered from within the forest, is one of the drugs used within the settlement and is a popular export. Simeon, the snake oil salesman, claims to be able to cultivate the moss to make mass production feasible. The moss ale is delicious, light, and produces ecstatic euphoria. Several people have problems that they need help with and in return, they mention interesting tidbits of info.<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li><b>Catherine</b>, the caterer, needs to impress as many people as possible with the food because her business is not doing well. Unfortunately, she stained the front of her dress. Magic is used to "clean" her dress for a few hours and she mentions that she saw a fire burning on the surface of the water some ways down the shore.</li>
<li><b>Lucretia</b>, head of the Alchemist Guild, wants to know which consortium one of the merchants is from. Lok intimidates him into telling her and Doc Splody confirms it by recognizing the merchant's monocle. She told them that she heard that the Vice Guild set up a camp deep in the woods, at the outskirts of the abandoned settlement.</li>
<li><b>Yana</b>, the brothel mistress and Velt's date at the party, wants to hook up with one of the merchants. Velt begrudgingly helps her make an introduction, and she mentions that one of her girls was hired by a merchant and might be investing lots of money into the Vice Guild if the moss ale pans out.</li>
<li><b>Fal</b>, a hired muscle, wants to steal a barrel of the moss ale to sell it. Lok unwittingly helps him but in the morning, he's found floating in the port. Before his untimely death, he tells her that one of the ships that sailed into the settlement for the party was filled with a small mercenary company of rangers and survivalists that disembarked down the coast and were equipped for a long stay in the woods.</li>
<li><b>Anton</b>, friends with Velt and head of the Vice Guild's muscle, needs help to kill his brother, who is the head of the mercenary company, Velt falsely promises to help him. Anton tells Velt that the Vice Guild wants to expand their operation in the settlement and are going to level the Low Quarter (the slums of the settlement) for their land.</li>
<li><b>Simeon</b>, the snake oil salesman, is being praised for his method of cultivating the moss but he wants help with a get-rich-quick scheme. He tells them that he just gave the Vice Guild a plant growth potion and he has no idea how they're cultivating the moss.</li>
</ul>
<br />
After the party, the Vice Guild floods the market with moss ale. However, it seems like people are starting to act strangely, seeing things where there is nothing. And this is affecting even those who haven't touched any moss ale. Mother Comfort, a healer/wise woman of the Low District, fears for her district and wants the moss growing operation to be stopped. Meanwhile, Frey, leader of the Cult of the Dark Tapestry, has been trying to recruit Lok the whole time and wants them not to interfere with the moss growing. Timmy, Velt's son, comes down with a touch of the madness and Velt and Doc Splody decide to go to the Low District to find Mother Comfort, who might be able to cure Timmy. Lok and Chetan stay behind at Rainbow Remedies to look after the shop and Timmy.<br />
<br />
When Velt and Doc Splody arrive in the Low District, they find it ablaze. They manage to defeat fire elementals and chase off a Bloodfire sorcerer though Velt was sadly unprepared for a fight with fire and had to resort to using his slingshot with apples scrounged from a nearby market stall. "How do you like them apples?" might have been said.<br />
<br />
Back at the shop, Lok and Chetan successfully defend against looters though the percentage of spiders increased exponentially. When Lucritia, head of the Alchemist Guild, hears about the fire, she's convinced it's the work of the Vice Guild. Velt, Lok, Chetan, and Doc Splody are dispatched to the rumored mercenary camp to investigate and put an end to their whole operation. The camp is a four day march away.<br />
<br />
Along the way, they run into a group of fungal apes and fungal badgers, all seemingly acting weirdly slow and breathing madness spores all up in their faces. They make it to the Dark Shrine without any further mishaps. Six obelisks make up the shrine and the moss growing and harvesting is happening in the middle. The mercs look like they've been constantly fighting off the kaiju. As if on cue, a fungal T-Rex crashes through the forest and starts stomping and eating the mercs. Everyone but Lok, feral as she is, thinks it's a good idea to watch the chaos from their safe vantage point, but Lok immediately climbs down and joins in on the fight. It's a little painful, but they manage to take everyone out, including the T-Rex, who is a bit clumsy and has a hard time keeping its balance due to some conveniently placed grease by Chetan. Yeah, we had a T-Rex on its back, flailing around for a while.<br />
<br />
Unfortunately, almost immediately after the T-Rex is finished off, there's a low rumble from the middle of the Dark Shrine and a fungal Frey bursts out. Looks like she's some sort of extraplanar queen now and starts doing some dark evil eldrich fungal zombie shit on the dead mercs.<br />
<br />
Everyone is low on the healths, except for Lok, who manages to get mind controlled by Frey and starts going to town on her allies. Chetan is taken out. Doc Splody spends most of the time on the verge of dying while being tentacle hugged by Frey. He's double-fisting potions and throwing all sorts of defoliant, and whatever else he has in the bag at the fungus that's penetrating his skin. Velt scampers around, sling-shotting whenever possible, and manages to turn invisible at last minute, the edges of blacking out creeping in his vision. Luckily, this breaks Lok's mind-controlled mission of attacking her allies and with a rage that would quell the sternest of hearts, she ends Frey with a slash of her great sword.<br />
<br />
As the moss is systematically destroyed, the madness recedes from the minds of the townsfolk. It takes some time for the settlement to fully recover, and everyone is more wary of the moss from then on, but with the Cult of the Dark Tapestry destroyed, it seems like the world is safe for the moment.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14620532390523006497noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2965945339674763617.post-15860886706135861172014-02-23T19:56:00.001-08:002015-02-16T19:55:13.483-08:00Magic: Not for the Faint of HeartD&D Next with <u><a href="http://www.lamemage.com/" target="_blank">Ben Robbins</a></u>.<br />
Start from the beginning: <u><a href="http://roughdreamer.blogspot.com/2013/12/slave-galleys-suck.html" target="_blank">Slave Galleys Suck</a></u><br />
Previous Session: <u><a href="http://roughdreamer.blogspot.com/2014/02/communication-is-hard.html">Communication is Hard</a></u><br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
The residents of Port Halke were wary, paranoid, angry, distrustful, and at times fearful. None of which made getting the answers about what had happened easy. Apparently, the relationship between Port Halke and the natives had always been rife with tension and an uneasy truce. However, that truce (if it ever existed) was recently broken when a forging group encountered a particularly hostile group of natives that forced them to retreat back into the relative safety of Port Halke's stockade walls. The residents of Port Halke vowed to not be pushed around by the natives so they mounted a counterattack, which turned into a bloodbath. One of the fallen was Rusbach, a knight-captain that had been in charge of the military at the Port. The natives were so enraged that they managed to storm the stockade walls and set fire to a number of the buildings. Some of which were still smoldering when the Osprey landed.<br />
<br />
Visage was able to determine that their irrationally hostile behavior towards the crew of the good ship Osprey was because of some magical tinkering that was afoot and that had tainted their minds. Only time would be able to wear down the effects that were affecting the townsfolk. In the meantime, the crew, Kelti, Visage, and Titus settled in at the Shorehouse, while Master Peleus and Korlav stayed with Salazar, an important personage in the Port.<br />
<br />
One thing that piqued the trio's attention was mutterings of the especially odd behavior of the resident wizard, Morrow, who had not been seen by anyone for several days after being more erratic than usual, which was a surprise to everyone that it was even possible. The townsfolk were a superstitious and grumpy lot that reacted astoundingly negatively to the trio's offer to investigate Morrow the Wizard's dwelling. The trio decided to go have a look anyway and use the cover of night to hide their intent.<br />
<br />
It wasn't difficult to find the wizard's hut, which was well built and had a door that was magically locked. They each tried their hand at getting inside, but to little effect besides a slightly bruised shoulder on Titus' part from trying to break down the door. They had neglected to bring any implements for light so Kelti went back to the Shorehouse to grab a lantern. In the meantime, Titus and Visage decided to wander over to the town square, where a group of men had gathered and were heatedly discussing whether or not to go back out into the woods to seek revenge on the natives. They kept on mentioning that someone named "Wallach" wanted to mount an attack, but several wanted to wait for Gephart, the magistrate, to weigh in with his thoughts before taking action.<br />
<br />
Visage, on the off-chance that they would be able to get into the wizard's hut, decided to go back to the Shorehouse to see if any bags could be found to hold any useful things they found. When they all met back up at the hut for their second try, this time armed with useful tools, Kelti decided to put her acrobatic tumbling past to the test and attempt to slither down the chimney, which looked to be their best point of entry. They were hopeful at first that Visage, with some light, would be able to undo the magically locked door, but it was quickly determined that the runes on the door handle would take Visage several days of study to make heads or tails of it. Titus went up on the roof with Kelti, just in case she got stuck. Luckily, the weeks of jungle living had primed Kelti for this particular task and without too much trouble, she made it into the hut, covered in soot, but without any other mishap.<br />
<br />
When all three were inside, a quick look around made it obvious that the wizard had gone to great lengths to appear as normal as possible. Titus noticed a well-placed rug (what type of person would decide to bring a rug purely for decorative purposes in a Port hundreds of miles away from proper civilization? Certainly not anyone as practical as a wizard) and upon further investigation, there was conveniently a trap door hidden under the rug. </div>
<div>
<br />
Titus went down first and Kelti passed the lantern down towards him. As the lantern reached Titus, it seemed as if the light shone not quite as far as it had above ground, though he shrugged it off as a trick of his imagination. He also thought he saw movement in the room further in, but again, chalked it up to a trick of the light and wisely decided to wait for the others before venturing any further.<br />
<br />
Once all three were safely in the small underground alcove, Titus and Kelti started forward into an inner room. Visage hung back, taking a quick look at the odds and ends stored in the shelves built into the walls of the alcove and more wary than his compatriots of the dangers of a wizard's secret lair. As soon as Kelti and Titus set foot in the inner room, they both felt a wave of unbridled fear and unease wash over them, but, foolhardy as they were, they were able to clamp that shit down and continue further into the room, which appeared to be where Morrow did all of his magical study and work.<br />
<br />
And where Morrow still was. Unfortunately he was also dead. He sat sprawled in a large and heavy high-backed chair, an expression of extreme terror distorting his face. Titus and Kelti shouted for Visage to come and take a look, but the moment that Visage stepped foot into the room, he knew beyond a doubt that going further into that room was the last thing in the world that he wanted to do. An overwhelming need to get the hell out of dodge consumed him and he was barely able to let out a strangled yelp before rushing out and up the trap door without a backwards glance.<br />
<br />
Kelti and Titus looked at each other for a second before immediately springing into action. Titus patted Morrow down but found nothing of note, while Kelti very carefully picked the largest and most ornate book on the wizard's table. Titus was not as delicate, using one of his large and muscular arms to quickly sweep as much of the wizard's stuff into a blanket that they had fashioned into a crude carrying bag. All manner of books and scrolls and mysterious powders and jars tumbled into the bag.<br />
<br />
Visage, the minute he saw his companions' heads appear out of the trap door started towards the door, stammering incoherently about the danger that they were in. Only when they were across the street did he take a deep breath and stand shaking like a leaf with his hand covering his eyes for several moments. Kelti and Titus looked on, dumbstruck by his reaction but deferring to his magical expertise. When he finally looked up, he looked startled and asked them if they had been followed out. He was met with confusion and some amount of pity, neither of them noticed anyone, except for the extremely dead body of Morrow. Visage blinked several times before slowly telling them that he saw someone look out the door of the hut before the door closed of its own volition.<br />
<br />
They carried their awkward bundle of loot from Morrow's secret wizard lair back to the Shorehouse, and tried stowing it under the cots, where it was painfully obvious. Luckily, the crew of the Osprey were preoccupied with their discontent at being kept in a ill-fated port and spared them a few weird looks, but kept to themselves. Visage needed somewhere quiet to look unmolested through the loot and make sense of it, so they decided to offer to take the next shift at standing guard on the ship, where they knew they would not be disturbed.<br />
<br />
Their plan would have worked without a hitch except for the fact that Titus and Kelti both fell soundly asleep and were only woken when the next group of sailors came to relieve them of their shift. They were unable to warn Visage, who had holed up in Master Peleus' cabin to study the books, scrolls, and journal that they had recovered. Visage, once he realized what had happened, cursed his luck and looked around him. The cabin smelled strongly of chemicals and various strange colored powder covered the table and ground. He tried his best to clean it up, but wizards are not particularly good at being orderly. A glance at the jumble of loot made it obvious that stumbling out of the cabin with his arms full of a misshapen lump would appear highly suspicious so he resorted to hiding the majority of the loot and taking only a few of the most important books.<br />
<br />
Before he opened the door of the cabin, he steeled himself to put on a masterful performance and at the same time guide the books using Mage Hand around the ship to the dock. His performance was indeed masterful, successfully convincing the sailors that he had fallen asleep studying, but it ran a little too long, as evidenced by a splash that could be heard from the side of the ship. The sailors turned quizzically and with some amount of fear and trepidation towards the splash, and Visage quickly tried to assuage their concern by attributing the splash to dolphins.<br />
<br />
Dolphins? At this time of the night? But the sailors, knowing they were in unfamiliar waters, shrugged and were all too eager to accept Visage's innocuous explanation. Kelti and Titus, after 20 minutes of anxiously watching the ship for signs of Visage, were about to head back to the ship and try to smuggle him out when they saw him walking with a defeated expression down the dock towards them.<br />
<br />
When he confessed to what happened, they both looked at him like he was crazy and Kelti said, "You mean, the <b>best</b> magic stuff is in the ocean, and you left the crappy stuff safe in the cabin?" She shook her head in confusion and threw up her hands in disgust. Wizards...they operate on some weird logic.<br />
<br />
Before they turned in for the night, Visage recounted what he had found in Morrow's journal. It turned out the wizard was an alchemy scholar and made very neat detailed notes about all of the various metals and elements that he had found on the island, all of which was dry as shit, but near the end of the journal, right around the time that the townsfolk mentioned his weird behavior, was an entry that was scrawled in unfamiliar cursive handwriting. A chill fell over them as they listened to Visage recite the journal entry from memory even though the tropical night air was pleasantly warm.<br />
<div>
<blockquote>
"Voices in the jungle<br />
Black beacon burns<br />
I close the shutters, but the dark comes in<br />
I pressed rags in the cracks but the dark comes in<br />
No candles. No candles or they will see the light"</blockquote>
</div>
The next morning, Kelti decides to comb the beach to see if she can find the books, convinced that they float, even though Visage told her that they were pretty heavy and had metal capped edges. Titus, agreeing with Visage, decided to swim around the boat and try to find the books on the ocean floor.<br />
<br />
For once, Kelti was right and she proudly brought Visage the tattered and waterlogged remains of the precious magic books. Visage pales when he catches sight of the ruined books, but doesn't have time to properly despair at their condition because a crowd of townsfolk ran by them at that moment and someone tells them that they found someone who died mysteriously overnight, a look of abject terror etched on their face.<br />
<br />
Visage, Kelti, and Titus looked at each other, each asking the unspoken question - did they unleash something that was now literally terrorizing the Port?<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
Next Session: <a href="http://roughdreamer.blogspot.com/2015/02/death-becomes-you.html">Death Becomes You</a></div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14620532390523006497noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2965945339674763617.post-14547759261285627762014-02-06T22:29:00.000-08:002014-02-23T20:00:00.686-08:00Communication is HardD&D Next with <u><a href="http://www.lamemage.com/" target="_blank">Ben Robbins</a></u>.<br />
Start from the beginning: <u><a href="http://roughdreamer.blogspot.com/2013/12/slave-galleys-suck.html" target="_blank">Slave Galleys Suck</a></u><br />
<span style="text-align: right;">Next Session: </span><u style="text-align: right;"><a href="http://roughdreamer.blogspot.com/2014/02/magic-not-for-faint-of-heart.html" target="_blank">Magic: Not for the Faint of Heart</a></u><br />
<div>
<br /></div>
Titus, Visage, and Kelti spend the next three weeks with the tribe, who they eventually learn are called Bari (BAR-ee). Communication is incredibly difficult, so much so that they only have about a dozen words that they've learned and can only speak in two word sentences.<br />
<br />
****<br />
<b>From the GM:</b><br />
The natives are on average a few inches shorter than humans, lean and wiry, with dark eyes, short flat noses and thin lips. Their skin is brick red. And of course they have four arms. They number about three dozen.<br />
Language is a serious impediment (see below). They refer to themselves as "Bari" (BAR-ee) but it's hard to tell if that's a race or a tribe. The Bari are friendly and seem quite comfortable with the newcomers, even though they're strange outsiders who are missing two arms. It doesn't seem to phase them at all.<br />
The tribe does not sit still. They only spend a few days in one place before the whole tribe picks up and moves a mile or two before setting up a new camp. So, everyone does lots and lots of walking. Lots of gathering and foraging and hunting small game.<br />
Their camp is screened by woven mats strung between trees, creating walls that give the camp a modicum of protection against things wandering out of the brush. The mats are light and tough and roll up into surprising small bundles. The "walls" provide a huge psychological benefit -- you feel like you're indoors and protected. You don't feel like you have to keep looking over your shoulder and watching the bushes. Could something jump down on you from above? Sure.<br />
The tribe seems to stick to the long strand of jungle between the mountains and the sea on the north-eastern shore. They show no interest in approaching or crossing over the mountains (aka the direction you came from). They seem to view the mountains with an air of prudent caution, like "why would anyone smart want to go over there?"<br />
The Bari seem to think that Kelti is in charge of your group. It's unclear why. They totally get that Visage has magic. They watch him constantly and are always waiting for something new and interesting to happen. There's some social structure within the tribe that's hard to put your finger on.<br />
When you first encountered the Bari, half the tribe was out in a party (which you met) while the other half was back at the camp. That seems to be unusual because you never see it happen again. The whole group migrates together, but only small groups hunt (5 at most). Why that big group then? Who knows.<br />
There is some running joke about you guys picking things up. It takes a while to realize it and you're not sure if you're being pranked or what, but the Bari seem unusually fascinated with watching you pick things up. They will set up situations just to get you to pick something up and then slyly watch you do it, then break into a big discussion about what just happened. It is very interesting to them.<br />
****<br />
<br />
The twelve words that we know:<br />
<ul>
<li>Food, Water</li>
<li>Hello, Thanks</li>
<li>Yes, No</li>
<li>Help, Danger</li>
<li>Show, Look</li>
<li>Sorry, ! (curse word)</li>
</ul>
<div>
One of the leader-ish Bari (Wet Blanket Bari), who Kelti interacted with during the shadow cat incident, is grumpy towards them ever since that kerfuffle with the shadow cat meat. Kelti, with her traveling troupe background, eagerly soaks in their songs and dances and spends most nights entertaining and being entertained by the Bari.<br />
<br />
Titus catches the eye of a young shapely Bari and the two of them strike up a shy, tentative romance, full of glances and quiet, meaningless conversations (in this case, literally). She's obviously crushing hard but Titus takes it slow, it's nice just having someone to talk to, even if they don't understand a word you're saying.<br />
<br />
After a few weeks of constantly being on the move, in a random migration, one morning, half of the Bari ready themselves to go on a long trek towards the mountains. There is a heated discussion on whether or not to allow a teenage Bari to go with the group for the first time. Eventually, it's decided that he's allowed to go, but when Titus, Kelti, and Visage attempt to go with them, they are emphatically against it. So much so that when Kelti tries to follow them, they all stop, turn around and are as clear as they could be about the fact that she's not allowed to come.<br />
<br />
Later, when she decides to go for a walk in the forest, a teenage Bari is tasked with tailing her. She very easily gives him the slip and watches with great amusement as he freaks out, two hands holding his head and the other two flailing around wildly as he panics and cringes at the thought of having to go back having failed at his task. As he turns dejectedly to run back to let everyone know, she puts him out of his misery by stepping out and shouting. He turns around with the most relieved and happily surprised look on his face, which lasts but a moment before the realization dawns on him that Kelti must have known the whole time that he was following her. They walk back to the tribe in silence, Kelti inwardly laughing and the teenage Bari sullenly walking beside her.<br />
<br />
When the group returns, they look like they've been marching long distances, but no one appears to be harmed. Surprisingly, they also come back empty-handed. A large meal has been prepared in anticipation of their return, and the atmosphere is one of a job well done, solemn, and momentous.<br />
<br />
The days and nights are starting to blend together. The trio recovered physically from being half starved and the nightmares of crazy, sharp-toothed monkeys were starting to come less frequently. While communication with the Bari was still a struggle, bordering on futile, they were finally getting the hang of the life that the Bari had created. Titus brings up the topic that they've all been avoiding once they noticed that they've settled into this new life.<br />
<br />
"This isn't the life that I had in mind for the rest of my days."<br />
<br />
Visage nodded in agreement. Kelti, on the other hand, having tasted what being part of a welcoming and accepting community was like, was of a different mind. They eventually came to a compromise. They'll visit the ocean, which the Bari avoided camping next to, and get a better feel for if they were truly on an island or not.<br />
<br />
The next day they set out with lunch and several teenage Bari who decided to tag along, as well as Titus' love interest. They spend the day running along the sand, playing in the water, and in Titus' case, making out with the Bari on a lovely log a little bit in the forest from the beach, within earshot, but not within sight of the others. Kelti collects several seashells scattered along the beach and when they get back to the tribe, she tries to give some to the Wet Blanket Bari, who stares her down and points to her and says "Danger". He then gives the teenage Bari who went with them a very serious talking to.<br />
<br />
From then on, the young Bari don't hang around them as much. It's obvious that Wet Blanket Bari has issues with them and no one feels this more keenly than Kelti, who now knows she will always be seen as an outsider and distrusted by a contingent in the tribe.<br />
<br />
The next day, the tribe is in an uproar because the teenage Bari who went on the mountain trek was attacked by a shadow cat and is in grievous condition. They carry him into camp and when Visage runs forward, they part and all look at him expectantly. The Bari is still bleeding out from his fresh wounds and no one in the trio has any formal knowledge of first aid or healing. They use their limited words to shout "Sorry" "Help" and point, which, after a bit, the crowd realizes means that any sort of magical healing was not forthcoming, and they step in to bandage him up.<br />
<br />
Shaken by the event, they realize that their position in the tribe was more unnecessary and useless than they had previously let themselves believe. Embarrassed by how little they were able to help the injured Bari, they decide to spend some time away from the tribe and take a longer trip to explore the coast.<br />
<br />
Gathering up gourds for water and some food, they try in vain to let the Bari know that they'll only be gone for a few days, as shown by the amount of supplies they're taking. Titus' love interest tries to come with them but he tells her, "No, Sorry." She's heartbroken. They turn to leave.<br />
<br />
The second day out, they see dark, foreboding cumulonimbus clouds off in the distance. Titus manages to find the perfect spot to wait out the storm, which rages on for a whole day, complete with deluges. When it finally stops, in the middle of the night, it is eerily quiet except for the constant dripping. In the morning, the forest and beach look like someone broke in and overturned everything in search of valuables. But beyond the mess of fallen branches and seaweed, the air was so clean and crisp that it was like biting into a snowball.<br />
<br />
They stretched their legs and enjoyed a moment of awe at being alive through all of their trials and tribulations, before they suddenly noticed, almost at the same time, the miraculous sight of a ship off in the distance from where they had come. They all break into a run and run for several hours straight. Titus notices that Kelti is having the hardest time with the running. Whether it was because her body was trained for short bursts of acrobatics, or that some piece of her heart was still yearning for the Bari life, he couldn't tell, but he takes her spear and gourd wordlessly.<br />
<br />
By the time they arrive where the ship appeared to be headed, sweat was pouring from their bodies and their chests heaved with exertion. And they were met with disappointment. The ocean was clear and no sight of the ship could be seen. Defeated, they rest for a moment before walking further into the forest, hoping against hope that the ship might have sailed further in.<br />
<br />
As they peer through the forest to the next stretch of beach, their hearts leap into their throats. There in the cove is the ship they spied from afar. It looks like a modestly small ship, slightly battered from the storm and it looked like they arrived right in time as they see a longboat being rowed into shore. They decide to play it safe and hide in the forest until they can better discern the sailors' intentions.<br />
<br />
The sailors look uncomfortable with their cutlasses and are lead by two men, one who is unarmed and another that appears to be the shipmaster. Before they get too close to the forest line, the trio reveal themselves, three weathered shipwrecked souls, clad in grass skirts, with gourds and spears. Needless to say, they were met with suspicion but the shipmaster, named Master Peleus, upon hearing that they were shipwrecked by krakens, shakes his head as if to ward off such misfortune and says gruffly, "No sailor worth his salt would leave a shipwrecked person behind, we have at least that much humanity in us. Welcome aboard the Osprey."<br />
<br />
The unarmed man, Korlav, has an eye patch that has golden threads sewn through it. His white hair was tied up in a pony-tail and he had a charming, profiting air about him, due in no small part to his threads, which were a sizable step above what the rest of the sailors wore. Titus, Kelti, and Visage, by an unspoken pact tried to leave any mention of the Bari out of their discussion with Korlav, but it was obvious from the glint in the old man's eye that he saw much more than they said.<br />
<br />
That night they dined with him on the Osprey. Before the meal, the trio discussed what should be said about the Bari and Kelti wanted to give as little away as possible. Titus and Visage agreed, but their methods turned out to be at odds. Their meal was nothing special, but salted meat and wine were things that came from more civilized worlds and it reminded them that there was much more out there than this small slice of island that they had been stuck on for a month. Perhaps it was the wine, but Visage disclosed more about their time on the island (known to be called Aucanthus) including the ruins of the city that they had passed. Korlav in turn off-handedly let them know that some of the sailors jokingly referred to him as a "slaver". He was quick to explain that he thought of himself as more of a collector of oddities and rare treasures from far away locales and that he had undertaken this long journey because he had heard rumors of natives that had four arms. Kelti had heard enough and promptly left.<br />
<br />
Later, when they had a chance to discuss matters alone, Visage revealed that he wanted Korlav to make his intentions plain and thought there was little harm in mentioning the ruins, which seemed to have no bearing on the Bari. Kelti thought that no information was the best strategy, but the two of them reached common ground on wanting to protect the Bari from the greedy and unsavory nature of Korlav.<br />
<br />
In the morning, after repairs had been made, they set out for Aulothus island, which held Port Halke. Titus, always eager for new experiences and for the heights, offered to take a shift at manning the crows nest and had the good fortune of sighting land first. However, as they drew closer to the port, it appeared that the port had been recently attacked and a large crowd of silent and armed citizens lined the dock.<br />
<br />
The Osprey slowly but surely came closer to the dock and the ominous crowd. Before getting too close, they stopped and Master Peleus shouted, "Is this Port Halke?"<br />
<br />
The answer back was hard but not riotous, "Aye. And who are you?"<br />
<br />
"The Osprey. We are looking to dock at your port."<br />
<br />
At the mention of docking, it seemed to rouse them from whatever stupor they had been under and they shrugged and moved slightly away from the edge of the dock. From within the stockade, several fires could be seen that were still smoldering, but none of the several dozen people gathered there made any move to put them out. Titus, Kelti, and Visage looked at each other and their eyes asked the question that was surely on all of their minds, "What happened here? And were perhaps the Bari somehow involved?"<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
Next Session: <u><a href="http://roughdreamer.blogspot.com/2014/02/magic-not-for-faint-of-heart.html" target="_blank">Magic: Not for the Faint of Heart</a></u></div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14620532390523006497noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2965945339674763617.post-26508046380704559332014-01-18T14:14:00.003-08:002014-02-23T15:46:11.275-08:00Forced Marches are ExhaustingD&D Next with <u><a href="http://www.lamemage.com/" target="_blank">Ben Robbins</a></u>.<br />
Start from the beginning: <u><a href="http://roughdreamer.blogspot.com/2013/12/slave-galleys-suck.html" target="_blank">Slave Galleys Suck</a></u><br />
Next Session: <u><a href="http://roughdreamer.blogspot.com/2014/02/communication-is-hard.html">Communication is Hard</a></u><br />
<br />
The morning after the bloody monkey throw-down, Titus and Kelti checked on Visage, and while he was conscious, he didn't look much better. Having a monkey tearing you apart really doesn't do much for one's complexion. After patching him up to the best of their ability in the light of day, they decided to continue hiking in the stream to get some distance from the monkeys, just in case. By mid-day, they reached a clearing and could see off in the distance, between two mountains, a strip of blue water and what looked to be a sailboat. Buoyed by the idea that there might be civilization, and consequently rescue, from this savageness just yonder, they decided to go check it out.<br />
<br />
They went back into the jungle to forage for food and then set out in the general direction of the mountains. Everyone was paranoid that they might get lost, so they each employed their own method of trying to stay on track. Titus used his ax to make notches in the trees, especially whenever they stopped, pointing in the direction that they were headed. Visage used rocks to create orienteering circles with arrows and Kelti carried a long stick that she dragged on the ground to mark their progress.<br />
<br />
When they settled in for the night, Kelti dug a hole to put the stick in, to prevent any accidental bumping of the stick, but as soon as they closed their eyes, they realized that it was nearly as bright as it was earlier. The moon was shining through the trees so they decided to break camp and force march by the light of the moon. Unfortunately, an hour later they were all bone tired, apparently being slaves for a week, not getting enough food to eat and being attacked multiple times in the last few days of being shipwrecked was not super conducive to forced nighttime hikes. They managed to find a smooth rock and promptly fell upon it and slept the rest of the night without incident.<br />
<br />
In the morning, Kelti realized that she had forgotten her stick in the excitement and subsequent exhaustion of the night. When they looked around at their surroundings, more of the smooth rocks were scattered throughout the forest, definitely ruins of some sort, overgrown with the jungle but still stately. The lasting nature of the rocks hinted at skilled masonry in an era past.<br />
<br />
At one point, they were walking between two walls that were still standing and after a few moments, it started getting darker even though it was in the middle of the day. They hadn't noticed that the walls led into the side of a hill and became a tunnel of sorts. Not quite foolhardy enough to explore this dark tunnel (Visage was not the sort of wizard that had a Light spell), they backed out and soon enough came upon a steep hill covered in brambles and bushes.<br />
<br />
They all tried climbing up the hill, with varying degrees of success, Kelti, more used to scrambling up ropes and not forcing her way through thick foliage, had the worst time of it, though Visage managed to get quite a ways up before getting stuck and had to climb back down. Titus, determined to get to the top, decided to somewhat recklessly start using his ax one-handed to hack away at the bushes. In this fashion, he managed to get to the top of the hill and after a yelled discussion with Visage and Kelti who were still at the bottom of the hill, he scouted the area.<br />
<br />
The top of the hill was covered in the same brambles and bushes and as he was pushing through a particularly thick clump of them, he nearly lost his balance as it parted to show a large crater directly in front of him. The crater looked to be man-made with what appeared to be an abandoned city in its center, with buildings and roads that had a similar look and feel as the ruins that they had passed. Similar tunnels were spread throughout the crater walls, and it was possible that the tunnel they had accidentally entered earlier might lead there.<br />
<br />
Titus went back and told Kelti and Visage what he had seen and they decided that the only way everyone would be able to effectively climb the hill would be if Titus hacked a path down. As Titus was working on creating a path, Visage and Kelti both set out to find water and food. Neither were successful, but Kelti stumbled upon a freshly killed carcass that looked like it had been mauled by a large beast. Shaken by what she had seen, she tried to find her way back and got lost. Half an hour of terror and frustrated yelling later, she finally found her way back to the base of the hill. Visage appeared from the jungle at the same time but before the two of them could set out together to forage for food, Titus spotted a familiar movement at the edge of the jungle and yelled down a warning.<br />
<br />
Neither of them wanted to go up against another horde of monkeys so they stayed put and Titus, the path 2/3 finished, booked it down double time. He stood guard as Visage and Kelti struggled to climb the hill but as soon as they both safely reached the path, he started up the hill again too. Titus couldn't help but take one more glance behind him and he saw the chilling and ominous sight of a solitary monkey sitting in the middle of the clearing, staring up at him.<br />
<br />
Titus led Visage and Kelti to the crater city that he had found and they walked through the jungle around the crater. When they approximated that they had gone half way around the crater, they cut back in to look at the crater city and get their bearings. This time they noticed a public square of sorts in the middle of the city that had a large rough and unhewn rock as its centerpiece, which was mysterious but not enough so that anyone wanted to venture into the city to find answers. The sides of the crater were extremely steep and there was no visible ways to get out.<br />
<br />
They eventually made it to the top of the saddlebow and spent the night. The next morning, they continued towards the two mountains but it wasn't long before they spied a group of about 20 locals, marching in single file. They were armed with spears, so they decided to follow them stealthily. Kelti led and was so focused on getting as close as possible to the group that she didn't notice that for the last several moments, they had been stealthing in parallel with a large puma-tiger-like beast.<br />
<br />
The beast slowly turned its head and noticed at the same time that there were three scrawny humans alongside it, others had died for less, so it started raising its hackles. Kelti froze and started backing away slowly. Visage tried to intimidate the beast by casting an illusion of large feathered wings on Kelti, but it only served to infuriate the beast further.<br />
<br />
It lunged towards Kelti and managed to swipe her across the chest, ripping a not unattractive slash in her ragged shirt. She yelled out and Titus leapt forward next to Kelti and swung his ax, but in his haste, underestimated the largeness of the beast as well as how tired his arms were from the hacking that he had done the day before and the swing went wide. Undeterred, he used his momentum to swing again on the way back, catching the beast on its shoulder. They dodged and closed in on the beast, who in turn swiped and tried to take bites out of them, but in the end, Kelti managed to dart in and bury her frog shiv in-between the ribs of the beast and carve her signature into it.<br />
<br />
The beast gave one last dying roar as it slumped over to its side. Titus, Visage, and Kelti caught their breath and only then noticed that the group of locals had overheard their heated battle and were gathered around, their spears slowly lowering and expressions of awe and disbelief on their faces. They started talking excitedly amongst themselves in a language that was unrecognizable to Titus, Visage, or Kelti and waving their four arms around.<br />
<br />
No one had much experience with trying to communicate with people that had no common language, so their attempts at being understood were met largely with confusion and quizzical looks. Visage at one point tried to use his illusions to depict a small version of himself cooking the beast and eating one of its legs. While the illusion was extremely accurate and well-made, the locals erupted in a frenzy of astonishment, fear, and distrust at the display of magic. Kelti, after multiple attempts, managed to get across to the leader that she owned the beast, but wanted help in carrying it. They latched the beast to a few spears and made their way to their village, which was walled in with thatched mats, but no dwellings had roofs.<br />
<br />
The locals fairly mobbed the newcomers but once it was apparent that they would all be feasting well that night, everyone settled down. Kelti watched as the beast was skinned and made motions that she wanted to keep the skin. The leader seemed slightly taken aback at her need to make such a declaration, and made a show of deferring the pelt to her and bringing over an old woman who promptly started preparing the hide for tanning.<br />
<br />
Soon the mouth-watering smell of roasting meat filled the air and Kelti performed a song and dance for their entertainment while they waited to feast. The leader made a show of cutting off a choice bit of meat and offering it first to Kelti. They agreed that it might be a good show of commoderie if she split the meat and offered half of it to the leader. But when she did so, he was extremely hesitant to accept the offered meat and seemed to do so out of social obligation rather than thanks. He lifted his portion into the air to show everyone, and the crowd murmured quietly. They looked at each other and shrugged, apparently some social faux pas had been committed and only time would tell what had transpired.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="text-align: start;">Next Session: <u></span><a href="http://roughdreamer.blogspot.com/2014/02/communication-is-hard.html" style="text-align: start;">Communication is Hard</a></u></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14620532390523006497noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2965945339674763617.post-41089219898625959622013-12-20T20:17:00.000-08:002013-12-20T20:17:40.108-08:00Friends, Facebook Friends & Exemptions<div dir="ltr" style="color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: small;">
In the last few years, I've started trimming my Facebook friend list to people that I genuinely like and would hang out with on a voluntary, one-on-one basis.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: small;">
I don't see Facebook as a means to keep tabs on the lives of people that I don't care about. It seems to feed that destructive, "how much happier is X person than me?" mentality that is bad enough with actual friends. Since I have a hard time with not being competitive and I obsessively try to keep up with my feed, removing that kind of input undoubtedly helps me to be happier.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: small;">
The problem that I'm currently dealing with is the "exceptions" that I've made. The biggest one being family members. Currently they're all under some privacy controls, but due to some major, glaring, differences in opinions and beliefs, and with the eventual divorce, I've been mulling over de-friending the in-laws. There's still about 5 months left in the lease on the current place, so there's a possibility that some of them might come up to visit again during that time, but it's unlikely that I'm going to go out of my way to hang out with them or visit them when I'm in town.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: small;">
That's not to say that they're not good people. But their opposing fundamental opinions and beliefs about things that are extremely important to me are not things that I want to spend my time and energy fighting them over or see pop-up in my feed. It makes me sick and sad that they pass judgment and support people that perpetuate that kind of thinking. Could I just ignore that part? I could, but I feel like I'd be constantly lying, to them and to myself that it's not a big deal. </div>
<div style="color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: small;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: small;">
I know I'm not obligated to have anything to do with them and yeah, I think they expect that they're not going to see or hear from me, but it's still hard cutting people out of your life. "I'm sorry, but you're not someone who enhances my life." Is it selfish? Self-preservation? Passive aggressive?</div>
<div style="color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: small;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: small;">
But I think in the long run, I'll look back and know I made the right choice. It's not my job or responsibility to educate or change their minds, and it's not worth the emotional stress.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14620532390523006497noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2965945339674763617.post-42804291028304613212013-12-15T16:03:00.002-08:002014-02-23T15:45:41.135-08:00Rocks Are Pretty DangerousD&D Next with <u><a href="http://www.lamemage.com/" target="_blank">Ben Robbins</a></u>.<br />
Start from the beginning: <u><a href="http://roughdreamer.blogspot.com/2013/12/slave-galleys-suck.html" target="_blank">Slave Galleys Suck</a></u><br />
Next session: <u><a href="http://roughdreamer.blogspot.com/2014/01/forced-marches-are-exhausting.html" target="_blank">Forced Marches are Exhausting</a></u><br />
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Titus, Visage, and Kelti spend all night alternatively swimming, staying afloat, and being subjected to the whims of the ocean. As the sun rose over the flat horizon, it found the three ex-slaves cast upon an unknown shore, each in varying stages of exhaustion from the rough night, but glad to be alive.<br />
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Titus, through sheer force of will, had managed to survive the night while holding on to his hard-won hand ax. He recovered first and went in search of other survivors. It didn't take long before he found Visage lying on his side, feet still in the water. Titus eyed the wizard cautiously. The events on the boat were still fresh in his mind. He cleared his throat in an attempt to wake Visage, who slowly and painfully opened his salt crusted eyes.<br />
"You don't look too much worse for the wear."<br />
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Titus shrugged, "I'm used to being hungry, and these muscles aren't just for show. So don't try anything funny, I'm not sure I trust you quite yet."<br />
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Visage struggled into a sitting position, spat some sand out and said, "Look. I haven't started a fire in your chest yet, so don't worry." He looked up at Titus, who's eyes went wide with shock, "Erm, I mean, just because my hands are free doesn't mean I'm in any shape to...not that I would..." He sighed and cast a small illusion of strings attached to his arms, and acted like the saddest marionette that had ever existed.<br />
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Titus visibly relaxed as he finally understood that Visage was trying to quell his concerns and not threaten him. He reached out and offered Visage an arm up. They went in search of Kelti, but when they found her, they got in a heated argument. Titus unwisely mocked Kelti about the effect that her actions had on the fate of the rest of the slaves on the ship. She was rightfully infuriated by his callousness and stormed off. Titus and Visage lost sight of her as she went around the bend of the shore and disappeared into the forest.<br />
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After wandering around for bit in the tropical forest, Kelti climbed up a tree to get a better look at her surroundings and spotted a monkey with its back to her, sitting in a tree about 30 feet away. It was unlike any she had ever seen. Its fur was gray and spiky and it seemed to be preoccupied with something. Just at that moment, it raised its head, and turned slowly to one side. Kelti could suddenly see with sharp clarity that its fur was blood caked and that it had been gnawing on a limb of some poor animal. As it went back to its snack, she could hear the rip of the flesh as its teeth tore into the limb and see the spray of blood that was beginning to coat the tree branches next to the monkey.<br />
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With her heart pounding in her chest, she focused all of her meager energy and concentrated on climbing down and getting away from the monkey as quickly and quietly as possible. As soon as she was far enough away to feel a little more safe, she let out a breath and continued her search for water and food, but much more cautiously, nervously looking up into the trees to search for signs of monkeys as often as she looked around to find her way.<br />
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Meanwhile, Titus also decided to climb up a tree to get a lay of the land. He did not encounter any scary monkeys, but found a nearby tree that was loaded with mangoes. Visage and Titus spent the rest of the day eating too many mangoes, trying to make a carrying bag out of leaves and vines, and gathering firewood. Kelti was able to pinpoint their location from a fair distance away, since the two of them were practically shouting at each other to be heard from the rest of the noise of the forest.<br />
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As she carefully crept up to them, she quickly spied the pile of mangoes that were directly behind Titus, who was sitting with his back to her. He was hunched over in deep concentration, brow furrowed with frustration, alternating between bursts of slow, careful vine/leaf manipulation and angry mashing and throwing. It didn't look like his attempt to try to weave the pile of vines and leaves into something useful was going well.<br />
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Her stomach growled but she ignored it and patiently waited for a moment when Titus had his head turned to shout at Visage before she darted out and grabbed two mangoes. It took a few moments before Visage noticed that the mango supplies had dwindled. "Titus, I'd appreciate it if you'd stop eating the mangoes and save a few for later. Since it's the only food supply we have, I think we should discuss it before either of us just start eating them."<br />
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Titus looked confused and offended. "What? I haven't eaten any additional mangoes." He looked behind him and immediately saw that some of the mangoes had gone missing, "What the hell?" He quickly stood up and looked around, trying to spot the thief.<br />
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"You know, we're not alone in this forest, an animal probably came along and took a few. Although, " and Visage shook his head disapprovingly, "I would have thought that you would have kept a closer eye on them and noticed."<br />
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A light bulb went off in Titus' head and he said a little more quietly, "I bet it was Kelti. She's seems like the sneaky sort." He cleared his throat and called out, "Kelti! Are you out there? You can have the rest of the mangoes if you want! No need to hide from us."<br />
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They waited for a response and none came.<br />
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When night fell, Visage and Titus decided not to make a fire, since they didn't have a good reason for it. Kelti had stayed out of sight, but in their general vicinity. Right before the sun fully set, a loud cacophony of sound erupted from all around them from within the treetops. It sounded like inhuman screeching and was bloodcurdling. After several minutes, once night had fully fallen, the noise died away, but their rest was uneasy and broken.<br />
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The next day, Visage and Titus gathered more mangoes before setting off. Titus used some of the cloth from his clothes to fashion a makeshift bag to carry the mangoes. Instead of wandering through the forest half starved and slightly delirious from thirst like the day before, Titus, slightly more fortified by the mangoes, decided to use his ax to mark the trees and was able to more accurately find his way through the forest and they came upon a marshy section of the forest.<br />
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The water was stagnant and undrinkable, so they started walking along side the marsh, where the ground started sloping uphill. Before they had gone very far, Kelti, who had been tailing them the whole time, noticed a large round shape slowly emerging out of the marsh water. The water tension made it look like a bubble was rising from the water, but after a few moments, it was obvious that it was a creature.<br />
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She started sprinting toward Visage and Titus, yelling, "Look out!"<br />
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Her shout gave Titus just enough time to dodge the first attack by the monster's long tongue that shot out from its maw. Visage quickly spun an illusion of a giant troll to block the monster's view of Kelti and give them time to potentially escape, and then he moved to hide within the forest, careful to stay within range to keep the illusion from disappearing.<br />
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Kelti, with a fire in her eyes, didn't hesitate to chuck a rock at the monster, aiming for one of its eyes. The rock connected solidly, half blinding the monster. It let out a croak of pained outrage and started charging towards the troll and consequently, Kelti. Even with a large frog-like monster leaping towards her, Kelti stood solid and with her one remaining rock in her hand, launched it at the monster's other eye. It was a skillful throw and it didn't miss its mark. The monster, now completely blind, barely had time to mourn its loss before Titus, bolstered into action by Kelti's fearless attacks, leapt on top of it and sank his ax into its skull. The monster crumbled, partway submerged in the marsh.<br />
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The three of them caught their breath, and then hauled the monster out of the marsh and spent the rest of the morning and afternoon butchering it and having a froggy feast. Kelti and Titus fashioned shivs out of the monster's leg bones and they wrapped some of the remaining meat in leaves. Titus helped Kelti out of her manacles and gruffly apologized for his earlier insensitive remarks about the events that transpired on the ship. They put the past behind them and together, continued walking uphill beside the marsh.<br />
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A few miles later, they came upon the most beautiful sight that any of them had seen in their lives up to that point. A clean, clear flowing waterfall surrounded by moss. They quenched their thirst and washed the blood of the monster, their sweat, salt, and any remaining traces of their slavery from their bodies. The memories would stay with them, but with the threat of dying from thirst and hunger in an unknown tropical land far away from civilization receded for the moment, and they were able to enjoy being alive and unfettered.<br />
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That night, they kept a fire going and traded keeping watch. The night was uneventful, they saw various animals cautiously approach the water, staying as far away from their camp as possible, to take a few hurried drinks and then scamper back into the relative safety of the forest.<br />
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In the morning, they found some reddish purple fruit, drank deeply, and then climbed to the top of the waterfall. They walked along the stream that fed into the waterfall, surrounded on both sides by tall ferns. Before too long, they heard the dreaded screeching that had plagued their dreams a few nights before. Through the ferns, they saw a group of half a dozen gray spiked haired monkeys in a domestic and violent argument. Not wanting to draw attention to themselves, they made a wide berth around the fighting monkeys, but when they tried to get close to the stream again a while later, they noticed a monkey sitting in one of the trees. It didn't look like it was doing anything, but when they decided that it might be best to sneak away, it suddenly let out an ear piercing hoot that carried and echoed through the forest. Visage, Kelti, and Titus froze and cringed. When nothing immediately happened and the monkey went back to picking at its fur, the three of them shrugged at each other and tried to quickly and quietly backtrack and continue making their way around the (scout?) monkey.<br />
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They were making steady progress when Titus almost walked face first into a large stone obelisk. It turned out to be a statue, its features smoothly carved into a tall cylindrical shape. He decided to climb up it, to get an idea of their surroundings. His progress was slow but right as he reached the top and was getting his bearings, they all heard the telltale screeching of angry monkeys in the not too far off distance. It sounded like a pack of them were making their way quickly to their location.<br />
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Throwing caution to the wind, Titus opted to get down as quickly as possible from the top of the statue, deftly sliding down one side to land solidly. They immediately started running for the stream, where they thought they might not be as disadvantaged due to the lack of trees overhead. They managed to barely make it across the stream before they turned around and were immediately set upon by the gray spiked haired monkeys that clawed and bit at their throats with razor sharp teeth well used to tearing flesh.<br />
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The fight was brutal and both Visage and Kelti were overwhelmed by the beasts, but not before Kelti made good use of her new frog shiv, rending and killing one of the monkeys. Titus made good use of his ax, swinging it viciously and lopping off several monkey heads, including the one that kept tearing into Visage's unconscious body. At the end, after Titus had stabilized Visage and Kelti had struggled back to consciousness on her own, Titus made a show of brandishing the head of one of the monkeys, smearing its blood over his bare and muscular arms and yelling defiantly towards the small crowd of monkeys that stared angrily across the stream at them.<br />
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Titus picked up Visage's unconscious body and they made their way in the stream away from the bloodbath. None of the monkeys followed them. After trekking for a mile, they settled in for the night and they could hear the discontented muted noise of the forest, but they were left alone for the time being.<br />
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<div style="text-align: right;">
Next session: <u><a href="http://roughdreamer.blogspot.com/2014/01/forced-marches-are-exhausting.html" target="_blank">Forced Marches are Exhausting</a></u></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14620532390523006497noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2965945339674763617.post-24230604768944592992013-12-04T17:16:00.000-08:002014-02-23T15:44:39.303-08:00Slave Galleys SuckI had the great fortune of participating in a D&D Next game, run by none other than the illustrious <u><a href="http://www.lamemage.com/" target="_blank">Ben Robbins</a></u> of Microscope and Kingdom fame. I'm going to attempt to give brief rundowns of the play sessions, to help us players out in remembering what happened and because we originally had three other people that were going to be in the party that had scheduling conflicts and this way, they can follow along until some distant point in the future when they can "for real" join in.<br />
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<b>Ben</b> - GM</div>
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<b>Me</b> - Titus, male, raised in the streets of a big city, looking to make something of himself so he can win over the daughter of foreign nobility. More of a Lover than a Fighter.</div>
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<b>Andy</b> - Visage, male, power hungry mage with bitterness in his heart.</div>
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<b>Pat</b> - Kelti, female, free-spirited, fiercely independent and stubborn, raised by gypsies.</div>
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We all played as humans who had been tricked, double-crossed, or duped onto the slave galley. Titus thought he was buying passage on a ship, but his enemies instead sold him into slavery. Visage was similarly a victim of his circumstances, the wizarding community having tired of his antics and sold him off. Kelti, on the run from not being quite as light fingered as she normally was, accidentally stowed away on the wrong ship.<br />
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A week into the grueling lifestyle that is being chained 24/7 to your bench, Visage has the good (?) fortune of having his benchmate die and while they were removing the body, Kelti helps him escape his chains by performing some amazing acrobatics and Titus also aids by sweeping the slaver's legs out from under him. Once free, Visage casts Minor Illusion to make it sound like the ship is being overrun by krakens and destroyed. Spoiler, turns out the illusion ironically turned out to be the truth. Titus uses his brute strength to pull his chains free, freeing Kelti as well, who was his benchmate. He then smashes in the skull of the slaver. Kelti immediately sets out to free as many of the other slaves as possible, but Titus grabs her in an attempt to haul her up to the deck of the ship.</div>
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This is when they realize that the ship is actually being overrun by krakens. Distracted, Titus lets Kelti go and rushes forward to kill a sailor who was holding an ax. She dashes back down into the mass of terrified slaves and manages to free almost a dozen slaves before the ship begins to sink. Meanwhile, Visage uses his magic to battle against the soldiers and sailors on the ship, toppling some of them overboard and tricking the krakens into grabbing others. Titus shoves one of the soldiers overboard, who falls right into the clutches of a kraken, plays hide and seek with several tentacles before finally grabbing up the ax and doles out his fair share of damage, at one point hurtling one of the slavers' clubs into the skull of an archer, saving Visage's life and killing the archer. Eventually, it's apparent that the battle against the krakens is a losing one as the ship slowly and then quickly takes on water. Titus and Visage both jump overboard and begin swimming for shore, while Kelti makes one last desperate attempt to give the poor wretches still trapped in the galley a chance to escape by tossing a few tools and weapons she found to them. In a final brave and foolish act of revenge, she manages to topple one of the soldiers into the galley as they were running past her. One last glance into the pit of hell and writhing mass of misery and she too jumped overboard.<br />
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<div style="text-align: right;">
Next session: <u><a href="http://roughdreamer.blogspot.com/2013/12/rocks-are-pretty-dangerous.html" target="_blank">Rocks Are Pretty Dangerous</a></u></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14620532390523006497noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2965945339674763617.post-91459286603737381862013-11-15T12:57:00.000-08:002013-11-15T12:57:40.517-08:00Celebrations & Reflections<div dir="ltr">
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I was tempted to blow off this year's birthday, not wanting to make a big deal out of turning an ending in zero number, but I think that would have accomplished even less than putting in the effort of celebrating it. Honestly, I was surprised at how few big all out celebrations there were this year, seeing as how quite a few of my friends were also turning three decades. Also disappointed because I really expected big throw downs.<br />
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We have this tendency to make a big deal out of certain dates, holidays, times, and events and sometimes it seems pretty arbitrary, but since one of my goals this year was to be less jaded, part of that is being open to the meaninglessness of it and embracing it. While I don't necessarily agree with saving up your thoughts, emotions, and presents to give to someone on a specific day, I do see the value of having those days to remind ourselves to be thankful, to love a little harder, and to reflect on how far we've come. It'd be great if we didn't need specific days for that, but we tend to get caught up in life and forget what's really important.<br />
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So. What is worthwhile to reflect upon after three decades of being alive? The things I did? The people I loved? Or should I look forward to the next three decades and try to guess what I'll want and need and how I can continue to make my life meaningful?<br />
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The only thing that is certain is that life is uncertain and one thing that I never want to happen is not to be able to adapt to those changes.</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14620532390523006497noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2965945339674763617.post-53849608214920234802013-11-12T12:19:00.001-08:002013-11-12T12:23:30.842-08:00Dealing with Being a Flawed Person<div dir="ltr"><div><div><div><div>Insecurities. Everyone has them. For whatever reason, mine happen to be triggered by other Asian girls. Being relentlessly competitive is a huge and noticeable drawback in this circumstance.<br> <br></div><div>Ironically, most of the close female friends I've had in my life are Asian. And most of the time, I've been largely successful in keeping my bouts of self-doubt and "wtf am I doing with my life; I haven't accomplished anything worthwhile" to a minimum and any depression I feel about it is usually fleeting. Which I am ever grateful for, seeing as how I know many people who struggle on a daily basis with their depression and are awesome awesome people. I have it pretty easy, but it's still a shock to be confronted by those emotions and not know what to do about them. Usually I just try to wait it out and not dwell on any specifics.<br> <br></div><div>I'd like to think that I've made some progress in feeling validated by myself and not by others but that'll probably be a lifelong struggle. Same with owning my emotions. But at least now I feel like I'm going through life being more aware and as an active participant instead of constantly being buffeted around by events and people that I can't do anything about. <br> </div><div><br></div>One thing that I have a hard time with is imagining what other people might find interesting about me. I try really really hard to stay on top of things and try new things so that I'm someone people want to be around and do interesting things with. Ultimately I'm a people-pleaser but at the same time I strive to do interesting things and have interesting experiences because life is unpredictable but if I can make the most of it now, I won't have as much to regret later. But sometimes I feel like all of it are just things that I use to prop myself up and I'm like a sieve. I'm always racing to consume so that I'll be a full and interesting person, but if I don't, it'll just seep out of me and I'll turn back into an empty shell of a person.<br> <br></div>That is my fear. And consequently, that someday I might cease to be as interesting and fun. No one will want to hang out with me or be with me and no matter what I continue doing, all my experiences will be in gray scale and be meaningless because no one will care.<br> <br></div>But I know in my head that I don't always have to share the cool things in my life that I experience on my own for them to be real and have meaning. It's hard to believe it with my heart though. Frankly, the idea of living on my own next year is a little terrifying. My new complex issue is commitment squeamishness overshadowed by the dark cloud that is "Loneliness". And the really crazy thing is that I don't remember a time in the last many many years that I've actually felt Alone or Lonely. That's how deep this fear runs.<br> <br></div>I think maybe a good small step will be to try real hard not to share so much when I'm doing stuff by myself. Instead of putting energy into trying to remember what cool thing is happening so I can tell someone else about it, really trying to just be in the moment and enjoy it as something that is fleeting and if I can't remember later what happened, knowing that it was something that I enjoyed.<br> </div> Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14620532390523006497noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2965945339674763617.post-11990814667272554752013-10-30T13:19:00.001-07:002013-10-30T13:26:30.541-07:00Kids. NaNoWriMo.<div dir="ltr"><div><div><div><div><div><div><div><div><div><div>I'm on the cusp of spending the next 30 days feverishly writing. I'll also be turning 30 in those 30 days. I plan to do my best to not care about the quality of writing and just write to see what comes next. I feel pretty good that I've set aside enough time to write and as long as I keep up a good pace, everything should be fine.<br> <br></div>The view outside of my work window looks out at the top of one of the trees. Its leaves are slowly turning more and more yellow with each passing day. It reminds me of the constant march of time, which we battle against throughout our lives. An obviously losing battle, but occasionally we have little snippets, moments where our desires and the flow of time are in sync.<br> <br></div>Whether or not to have kids is probably the single biggest decision you can make in your life that is irreversible and will impact almost every part of your life and the lives of those around you. And yet, I get the feeling that even the people who consciously decide that they want to have kids have little to no idea of the day to day mechanics, what they're giving up, or how much work it's going to demand from them. For having done this for thousands of years, I still feel like the average adult is poorly equipped to handle the rigors of raising another human. But at the same time, completely incapable people raise children all the time.<br> <br></div>I didn't realize this when I started this post, but in all actuality, raising kids and writing a novel have some similarities. Both are pretty enormous tasks that are incredibly daunting when looking up at them from ground level. Some people just have to get over their fear of failure and jump into it, putting their trust into the fact that they're competent enough individuals to resolve any issues that will come up. Majority of the time, you have no idea what you're getting yourself into on day 1.<br> <br></div>It's difficult enough planning my own life without having to plan every minute detail of someone else's. But I guess when you don't have a choice, you do it.<br><br></div>The other thing that I realized while walking past a co-worker's monitor that was displaying a picture of her baby, was how much having a kid would remind me of the fact that I'm Asian. Sure, I look at myself in the mirror all the time, but my race and background aren't usually the first things that I think of. Honestly, I don't think about it at all but that's not to say that it's not important to me.<br> <br></div>Mainly, the one thing that I cannot get over right now is how much commitment a child takes. I'm more than likely suffering from some adverseness to commitment at the moment, which makes the idea that I'd be tied to the child for the rest of my life (and likely also to the father and all the other family members that have a vested interest in the child), an incredibly claustrophobic and frightening burden that I have no intention of putting on.<br> <br></div>Could I see a future where I'm raising a child? For sure. And I'm sure I'd be pretty good at it, both because I'm a competent, smart individual, and also out of necessity. But I'm pretty sure I'm not going to be a Type A Mom, who hand sews Halloween costumes, always has something fun and educational planned for outings, cooks balanced, delicious meals that no one complains about, and has the time and energy to answer ALL the questions.<br> <br></div>The real question is, how do I feel about the needs and wants of other people dictating how I live my life? Other people are important to me. I know I don't live in a vacuum, and nor would I want to. Connecting with people and building memories are huge motivators in how I choose to spend my time. And when dealing with other people, I know that compromises have to be made. No one is going to want exactly the same things that I want.<br> <br></div>So how will I know if I'm compromising too much?<br><br></div>I don't know if I have the luxury of saying, I'll just wait a bit, see how I feel in a few years. I've already done that. I'm really no closer to a concrete answer. Time marches on, and with it, the choices or non-choices we make. I guess the best that I can do is to make sure that I'm at least aware.<br> </div> Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14620532390523006497noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2965945339674763617.post-11070962505003517922013-09-05T02:11:00.001-07:002013-09-05T02:11:25.765-07:00PAX 2013I've always done a Post-PAX recap.<br />
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This year was just as relaxed and carefree as the last time. Things with friends seemed to click into place. I think I was worried about being left out if I didn't organize things myself, but I wasn't. Honestly, what I've realized over the last several days is that there's not much else in the world besides friends. Connecting with other people is one of the most important things and I don't think I could be happy without it.<br />
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Somehow, I went through the entire <a href="http://www.octopuspie.com/2007-05-14/001-pea-wiggle/" target="_blank">Octopus Pie archive</a> tonight. I bought a print of my favorite page. I'm a sap I know it. It's kind of a depressing comic though. Like Freaks & Geeks, it's too real.<br />
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I wish I could go on a run right now, but it's the middle of the night. It looks like the weather is taking a sharp turn into autumn too. Lots of rain.<br />
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After talking to T in line, I've decided I'm going to do <a href="http://nanowrimo.org/" target="_blank">NaNoWriMo</a>, which stands for National Novel Writing Month. My November so far is completely empty, except for my birthday, which I've pretty much already planned. As long as I keep it that way, and hole up for a month, I can accomplish something that I've always wanted to. I don't think it even matters what the story is, as long as it makes some sense. I think I just need to know I can do it.<br />
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I don't want to get into the Dickwolves debacle, but I will say that I don't plan on boycotting PAX and I still want to Enforce for Prime. I think there's other ways of being heard.<br />
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This has been one of the most social PAXes I've had. I definitely spent more time talking to people than playing games. This was the year of the <a href="http://www.oculusvr.com/" target="_blank">Oculus Rift</a> and <a href="http://www.virtuix.com/" target="_blank">Omni</a>. For $800, you too can own the next gen VR experience.<br />
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What else can be said? I think a lot of people were somewhat disappointed by this year's PAX. It's becoming rote. We're no longer so bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. There were some great indie games for sure, ones that aren't afraid to push the envelope, to mashup, and to delve into uncharted territory. Games as Art. That's what I want to be the next big thing.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14620532390523006497noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2965945339674763617.post-66842774245050516902013-08-27T20:55:00.000-07:002013-08-27T20:55:11.080-07:00Summer Recap<div dir="ltr">
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It's the last week of the summer months and while I hope there's still several weeks of nice/warm weather ahead, I thought it'd be fun to recount what has probably been one of the most physically active spring/summers I have ever had.<br />
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<b>April 25</b> - I started the Zombies, Run! 5k training and haven't looked back since. This one change has drastically impacted my fitness level and paved the way to doing so much more without feeling like I want to die. Who knew running 3 times a week would make such a difference?<br />
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<b>May</b> - Started the process to get Lasik, specifically PRK done. Went to St. Louis and got to go to City Museum, which was mind-blowing and I discovered I like to crawl around in tiny spaces. Went to 4 SIFF movies, all of which were amazing.<br />
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<b>June</b> - Went to the Anamanguchi show, moved to First Hill, went hiking for A's birthday (and ran down part of the trail), and went to Go Play NW, where I played 7 story games in 3 days.<br />
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<b>July</b> - On the 4th of July, I did a run to Madrona Park and then took a swim, and then spent like 6 hours in the park. Went river tubing in Leavenworth, went paddle boarding in Ballard, did the Be the Match 5k run in Portland, which I managed to raise over $500 for, took two trips to Olympia, went on a 3 day backpack camping trip and hiked 24 miles.<br />
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<b>August</b> - Went blueberry picking twice, saw Wagner's The Ring Cycle (4 operas in a week), went to a wedding then an elopement party, did the Electric Run 5k and managed to not twist my ankle running at night, did two days in a row of biking 12-14 miles and then did a 30 mile bike trip around Bainbridge Island, complete with cheese and wine tasting and a picnic. And I wasn't even sore the next day (except obviously my butt).<br />
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And of course, rounding out August with PAX!<br />
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I'm proud of myself for taking the initiative and signing up for all of these interesting events. I don't think I've wasted a single day. Every day has been an opportunity to explore, to experience new things, and to be enriched. I've gotten rid of an amazing amount of artifacts and it's allowed me to start being more aware of what I want to keep and what I should throw away.<br />
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Am I worried I'm going to burn out? Not really. I've also learned to take it easy and not focus so much on goals. I don't need to compete against myself and I'm trying to not think about competing with other people so much. Hopefully the fall and winter months will afford me with some time to play some games and read some books :) </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14620532390523006497noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2965945339674763617.post-51123228706045846732013-07-31T23:43:00.002-07:002013-07-31T23:43:22.231-07:00Them Be Fightin' WordsThe previous blog post was something that I had written up a while ago but forgot about posting.<br />
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Obviously I've been doing a bad job lately of keeping up with blogging. I'm just not a very introspective person. So sue me. The most introspection I've done recently was writing a "story" at a coffee shop last Thursday night. But it'll stay in its notebook because it's not fiction enough. I wrote it, got it out, but it's too personal for public consumption. But of course, like all the things I write, I think it's pretty good :)<br />
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I always feel like blogging late at night when I should be sleeping. Some nights I just don't feel like I want them to end, even though nothing is going on, it's appealing to see the night stretch out in front of you and not think about what's coming up next.<br />
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<b>Why Fight?</b><br />
There are times where<br />
You open your mouth<br />
Fear & Rage Pour Out<br />
But they're deaf and blind<br />
There's no point.<br />
<br />
You grip that<br />
hold on tight<br />
and bleed<br />
staggering up<br />
standing tall<br />
but the weight of their<br />
ignorance crushes<br />
like ice<br />
cold and unyielding.<br />
<br />
Should you wait<br />
forgive but not forget<br />
save it up<br />
for the perfect moment?<br />
<br />
No.<br />
Life is uncertain<br />
Life is short<br />
No one will speak up<br />
No one cares.<br />
<br />
Struggle against<br />
Be strong<br />
It's one step<br />
But it's the way forward.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14620532390523006497noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2965945339674763617.post-40870319354443156052013-07-31T23:10:00.000-07:002013-07-31T23:10:14.155-07:00Remote Companionship<div dir="ltr">
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Here's an idea. For those people who either are too busy to talk to their friends on a regular basis, or don't have any friends that share their interests, you can download podcast-like conversations. I'm not sure I'd be the best person to record such things, since I don't talk non-stop, but the idea is that the PodConvo would be on a specific topic, say, The Walking Dead game, Chpt 1, and it'd be equivalent to meeting someone who had just finished playing Chpt 1 and wanted to discuss the nuances of the game play, spoilers, thoughts, feelings, and stories that came up as a result. People could feel free to pause the PodConvo at any time to interject their own thoughts, feelings, and stories without worrying that they were dominating the conversation or interrupting the person too much. They'll never forget what they were about to say! They'll patiently wait while you go on a half an hour diatribe!<br />
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I definitely think there's a niche for this kind of thing. Sometimes dinner at home can be enhanced by conversation instead of watching TV or a movie. Who doesn't like to be talked at about an interesting topic or subject that they hold dear?</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14620532390523006497noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2965945339674763617.post-69123721160034892792013-06-10T22:11:00.000-07:002013-06-10T22:11:14.256-07:00Same LoveThey started playing <a href="http://youtu.be/hlVBg7_08n0" target="_blank">Macklemore's Same Love</a> on the radio. Every time I hear it playing on the radio, my chest gets tight and I feel the early beginnings of wanting to cry. Pride <i>is</i> coming up and it is undoubtedly the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gay_anthem" target="_blank">gay marriage anthem</a> of our day and age. <br />
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I believe in love at first sight. You can fall in love with someone the second you look up and see them. I am extremely fortunate in my life to have extremely few cases where I've fallen in love with someone and not had the interest reciprocated. In a few rare instances, I fall in love with someone who has been in the background, and then suddenly, one day I realize they're pretty awesome. I fall in and out of love and I follow that path down wherever it may lead. Luckily, I'm in a position where I can do that. Being bi and poly is probably the best combination for being able to love and care for the most amount of people. But ironically, I am known to also intensely hate people.<br />
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I want to live in a world where people can love and be loved by anyone, but I know that's so far away right now. That's why the song is so sad and sentimental to me.<br />
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Love is a difficult topic. For many people, love is synonymous with commitment and loyalty. Others go purely on their emotions. Where does wanting the best for someone fall? And what are the key differences between romantic love and platonic love? Is there something wrong or immoral about not committing to someone or multiple people for your entire life? Family, for a lot of people, are the alpha and omega, there's nothing they wouldn't do for their given or chosen families. I feel like I connect deeply with people, but I also know that the future is uncertain, and that I am inherently a somewhat unreliable person. I've changed and will continue to change, and I can't promise that the change will include still being in love.<br />
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Does the freedom to love someone also come with the freedom to not love someone? Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14620532390523006497noreply@blogger.com0