Intense. Passionate. Excitable.

It's not exactly like I didn't know these things about myself, but realizing that other people attribute these characteristics to me gives me pause.

So yes, sometimes I am very focused and generally, when there is something that I want, I usually get it. If I am grilling someone, there is no doubt that all of my attention and energy is centered on that person and I could care less about what else is going on.

That intensity naturally leads me to be passionate in my dealings. Almost every event that I find interesting I want to share with others and I try my best to promote it and get others interested. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.

I'm pretty cheery. But beyond that, I've been known to get so excited that I start to feel lightheaded and actually, I recently watched this youtube and can TOTALLY relate. It's fun to be excited. I like living in the moment.

Which is why I'm really interested to see where QC takes it from here. Is Jeph going to lean on the side of "Enjoy It While It Lasts" or "It's Not Worth the Pain"? Because really, what is life without a little pain here and there? Some of my best stories are of my worst moments. And isn't it weird that when you're down, or when you're especially happy, everything in the world sympathizes with you?

Lone Ranger

For the last month and a half I've been making some changes. I've decided to like drinking whiskey. Consequently, I've also been drinking a lot more. I've also decided to like drinking black coffee; so far I can tell the difference between shitty black coffee and not so shitty. I'm still planning on walking to the park and ride a few times a week, but fell sick after the first time. I even tried some olives over Thanksgiving. Yup, they still taste bad. I also have been eating some eggplant (*gasp*) and the ones that I had during lunch yesterday really weren't too bad. I couldn't even taste "eggplant".

Why the changes? Well, to be honest, yes, I'm not satisfied and I want to improve. Whether or not these specific changes are an improvement is up for debate.

But to be really honest, you know how emo people cut themselves? I'm not saying it's like that. It's much less complicated. It's more about being insolent and saying "You know this idea of me? You think you know me? Well fuck you, that box is boring. I will be whomever I goddamn well please." These are not warm, fuzzy, feel good changes. There's a simmering pot of anger and frustration, the makings of every lone cowboy gunslinger. They drink their black sludge because fuck nice things. Getting soaked to the bone and having to sleep without a fire? Good. The outside finally matches the inside.

Nothing like a backpacking trip in the middle of December.