Lack of Hair

I buzzed my head. It's been a week now.

So, why? A lot of people have been asking and yes, of course there's a form answer that I give, but I suppose digging deeper is what blog posts are supposed to be for right? Speaking of that, this blog has descended into into just another "read about my silly life" exercise. *shakes head* Guess that's a topic for another day.

Also, why didn't I tell hardly anyone that I was going to do it? The first one is easy, I wanted a change. Buzzing my head was attractive in many ways and not permanent. I can wear all the hats I want now! All the time! No hat hair! Wind? No problem! No more annoying hair to get in my face and stuck to my lips. So yes okay, maybe all of these changes (see previous blog posts...) are starting to make it look a little like I'm having a late-twenties life crisis, but so far, a pretty benign one wouldn't you say? I feel restless and vaguely dissatisfied, though I can't pinpoint if there's anything I could change or do that would fix it. I guess part of the problem is that I had a very clear, distinct goal in life for a last few years and now I don't. All of these changes are short-term goals that I've actually more or less already achieved (yay for achievements). Obviously I have no idea what long-term goal I want to pursue so now I'm just floundering around jumping from one thing to the next. This is how most people do life yes?

Okay back to the main topic at hand, so I only told less people than I can count on one hand. Part of it was that I didn't want to deal with people trying to talk me out of it. Another part of it was that I really wanted to see the look on people's faces! Unfortunately that didn't pan out as well as I'd hoped. I saw quite a few people the day after the buzz, but so far, barely anyone from my core friend group. You'd think I'd organize something so I could see everyone but frankly I'm a little tired of organizing things at the moment. It's one thing to be able to count on people to be excited about the things you organize and another to hope that they'll be excited and then have the wind in your plans' proverbial sails sucked out by their apathy. Okay fine, not everyone is into everything that I'm into, but fuck, isn't that what friends are supposed to be for? Be interested in the same things and do stuff with you? So that's certainly a major let-down. I guess I could have kept it to myself and off the interwebs until I saw them, but I felt like I was starting to cross the fine line of it becoming some sort of weird secret.

How do I like it so far? Everything is crunchy. And the back of my neck feels cold. But so far I like it a lot more than I thought I would. I think I will definitely keep this super short length for a while and buy more hats. Certainly a cute fedora is in my future :)

Intense. Passionate. Excitable.

It's not exactly like I didn't know these things about myself, but realizing that other people attribute these characteristics to me gives me pause.

So yes, sometimes I am very focused and generally, when there is something that I want, I usually get it. If I am grilling someone, there is no doubt that all of my attention and energy is centered on that person and I could care less about what else is going on.

That intensity naturally leads me to be passionate in my dealings. Almost every event that I find interesting I want to share with others and I try my best to promote it and get others interested. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.

I'm pretty cheery. But beyond that, I've been known to get so excited that I start to feel lightheaded and actually, I recently watched this youtube and can TOTALLY relate. It's fun to be excited. I like living in the moment.

Which is why I'm really interested to see where QC takes it from here. Is Jeph going to lean on the side of "Enjoy It While It Lasts" or "It's Not Worth the Pain"? Because really, what is life without a little pain here and there? Some of my best stories are of my worst moments. And isn't it weird that when you're down, or when you're especially happy, everything in the world sympathizes with you?

Lone Ranger

For the last month and a half I've been making some changes. I've decided to like drinking whiskey. Consequently, I've also been drinking a lot more. I've also decided to like drinking black coffee; so far I can tell the difference between shitty black coffee and not so shitty. I'm still planning on walking to the park and ride a few times a week, but fell sick after the first time. I even tried some olives over Thanksgiving. Yup, they still taste bad. I also have been eating some eggplant (*gasp*) and the ones that I had during lunch yesterday really weren't too bad. I couldn't even taste "eggplant".

Why the changes? Well, to be honest, yes, I'm not satisfied and I want to improve. Whether or not these specific changes are an improvement is up for debate.

But to be really honest, you know how emo people cut themselves? I'm not saying it's like that. It's much less complicated. It's more about being insolent and saying "You know this idea of me? You think you know me? Well fuck you, that box is boring. I will be whomever I goddamn well please." These are not warm, fuzzy, feel good changes. There's a simmering pot of anger and frustration, the makings of every lone cowboy gunslinger. They drink their black sludge because fuck nice things. Getting soaked to the bone and having to sleep without a fire? Good. The outside finally matches the inside.

Nothing like a backpacking trip in the middle of December.

Not Quite the Post I Was Expecting

Before I set off for China, I envisioned being able to get on the internet on a pretty frequent basis, and I wasn't wrong there, but what I forgot to take into account was the Great Firewall. Being unable to access Blogger took the pressure off of documenting my travels, but now, there's so much to document that really, the picture that I'm going to paint for you is a finger painting using only the primary colors. But that's not the subject of this post, so you'll have to continue to wait for that.

I could have gotten the China 2011 post to you earlier, but then I got hung up on having pretty pictures to show too. I created a Flickr for my co-workers and put up all the typical ones. I put all of the other pictures I took on a Facebook album. The problem now is privacy. How much do I want RoughDreamer to be tied to my name and is it already so tied that it doesn't matter anymore? I've been pretty laissez-faire about my online footprint but I have some pretty paranoid friends, and while Zach (who is also pretty paranoid) is the only person I mention by name on here (that I remember anyway), conceivably, this little web I'm spinning implicates a great deal of people.

But then there's the whole, really, who gives a fuck? Do I really think anyone important or malicious enough is going to put in that much effort to stalk me in order to ruin my life or the lives of people I know? I've been meaning to Google myself and do some self-stalking but keep on forgetting...but mostly I think I won't because there's large part of me who really just doesn't want to know what's out there. I have been pretty non-discreet. But how non-discreet do I want to continue living my online life is the question.

I'm not as whiny about my personal problems and issues online as I could be. None of my status updates/tweets are about how [insert emotion/physical ailment] I am, unless you count the ones a few weeks ago about my foot. But those were special. They had pictures! Speaking of pictures, I have grown increasingly fond of taking pictures using my phone and immediately sharing them. I love the fact that because of the wonders of the Internet, I can be doing something or looking at something cool and then BAM, by the power invested in my phone and technology, you too can practically stand right next to me and experience the same thing. It's the timeliness and immediacy of the interaction that makes it awesome.

For example, Wednesday night I saw Neil Gaiman and his wife, Amanda Palmer do a little show and dance. It was much more awesome than I expected and it actually kind of just felt like we were sitting around and they were just telling us stories. It didn't seem like a big production thing at all. Jonathan Colton was even there. But anyway, I knew some people would have been interested in the fact that this show was happening, so I took a picture of the billboard at the Moore and was going to tweet about it, but the network there was terrible or something and the tweet didn't publish. So instead of doing it way after the fact, I just deleted it. No point in letting people know about it now. It was just some thing that I did. The picture wasn't even that interesting.

The reason I don't post about negative stuff is because I dislike pity or even people feeling like they're emphasizing with me. Not specifically because of the whole "fuck you, you have no idea what it's like to be me", but mostly because I am ALL about managing how I appear to others. Yes of course I'm just as fucked up as the next person, but why should I advertise that? I'm happiest when everyone else thinks I'm happy. And luckily for me, I have a great group of friends that go out of their way to make sure that I'm generally pretty happy, so it's not really smoke and mirrors. Also, I hate dealing with my problems/issues/concerns/whatever over and over again, so if no one even knows to ask, then it's one less rehashing I have to do.

Dubstep

What is dubstep?

I read the wikipedia article and still have no idea. However, this youtube street performer was my first intro to "dubstep" a few years ago.

I am suddenly super into this type of music with an interesting, fast-paced bass and electronic beat. I stumbled upon SoundCloud, which has a dubstep tag today. It is way way better than my Pandora radio station that I've been trying to cobble together to listen to at work. Of course, now that I'm going out of the country for two weeks, I'm unlikely to listen to any of this.

I'm in a really groove-based, yet high energy wanting to dance mood. I think this actually started at PAX this year. There was a room, Jamspace, that I stopped by on my way to see what was up with story games. It was really awesome and I caught one or two of the last songs by these two guys, but I don't remember their names. I think one of them had was some sort of animal or insect name. I really enjoyed standing in the back and letting the music wash over me.

It was a novelty to be by myself, at a mini concert. There's so few times that I'm not doing something with someone else to share it with that it's hard to enjoy things by myself. I don't remember the last time I watched a movie on my own. I can probably count on one hand the number of times I've eaten at a nice restaurant by myself. I don't particularly think it's because I can't do things on my own. I like sharing things that I think are cool with everyone else I know. I'm that person who derives maximum enjoyment out of looking at art and shows when I can whisper my thoughts and comments to someone.

It's like I almost don't trust that my experience on my own will be as valid or real without someone else there to share the reality. I should probably get over this, but it's so hard because I don't want someone else to miss out on something awesome. I'm always optimistic that the things I go to are going to be awesome. Why wouldn't you want to want to come with me?  It's going to be awesome.

I'm Leaving On a Jet Plane

It's been a while since I've made an international flight. Not super long. Two and a half years?

One of the differences I feel this time is not so much the "I'm going somewhere!", but more the "I'm leaving." aspect of traveling. This isn't the first time I've felt jaded about travel and I'm not sure why the aversion. I kind of like doing touristy stuff and browsing the little kitschy shops. What I dislike is the pressure I feel to take an obligatory photo of said landmark or landscape with someone in the foreground. I like the feeling of being far far away from everything familiar and being able to adapt and test my limits of going with the flow. I dislike constantly worrying about forgetting something, whether it's when I first leave, every time I leave the hotel, switching transportation, or leaving from a restaurant or event. I also don't like being super paranoid about things like money (is that guy going to rob me), the water (being sick on the go sucks), the time (don't want to get left behind).

I think for once in my life I'm kind of feeling like a vacation where I don't actually do all that much and I spend all of my time sitting in the warm shade reading and all events and food and water are perfectly safe. Like an all-inclusive cruise. Mmmm, food buffets 24 hrs/day! Now there's something to get excited over ;).

Also, taking a longer vacation caused a lot more organizing and training of back-ups than I anticipated at work. Everyone wants to get their shit out the door on Nov. 1st. So slightly bad timing. But I'm sure everything will work out. /supersincere

One thing that I remembered though that will make this fun is that Zach and I will not need to drive anything anywhere. So we can drink at any time!  All times! Vacation is awesome! However, I have no idea what kind of alcohol is available in China. Are there cocktails? I don't remember drinking much when I was in Japan either. I'm again glad that Zach talked me into bringing another and bigger check-in luggage because I'm going to need something to bring back the booze. Foreign, exotic booze is so cool that we don't ever drink it (case in point, the rum that we brought back from Jamaica two and a half years ago).

Story Episode #10

Ten minutes later, after both our hands were sprayed and the mess cleaned up, Jack abruptly said, "Good job. I know you know I didn't think you guys had it in you, but I'm impressed. I'd pat you on the shoulder but my hands are still wet."

I shrugged, a little sullenly but I was appeased. "So now what? Do you think you finally have what you need for your disguise?"

He gazed at me appraisingly and said, "Okay. You've proven your mettle. I'll answer your question, but you are to never bring it up again. Is that understood?"

I nod slowly, "Yes sir."

He leads me up the stairs, taking them quickly, two at a time, but half way up the stairs, he stumbles on a step and flies forward, landing on his face. Or he would have if the stairs had stayed solid. I sigh inwardly, leave it to Jack to devise the most ridiculous secret entrances. With my luck, I'll have a slightly off posture and break my nose. I hesitate at the bottom of the stairs, trying to gauge which step he had "tripped" on when the stairs suddenly disappear and Jack's head pops up. "Come on then, you're taking too long. Just jump in here."

The room beyond the trip-step entrance is opulent and shimmery. Even the air smells rich. Jack takes a deep breath. "Notice that? I have a machine setup to infuse the air with particles of fat. Deliciously extravagant isn't it?"

Nigellians (Microscope - Story Game)

If this Microscope game seems a little bare, it's because we only had time for one Lens, which was totally fine. I look forward to picking it up again sometime and fleshing it out a bit more :) It'll be really interesting to play a multi-session game. Give everyone some time to think over the history and maybe where they want to take it and then come back to it with a new set of eyes.

***
Our history was about the invasion of aliens who give us amazing technology, back when we were only at the Industrial Revolution-stage. The prime minister of Britain, Nigel Wilcox, manages to convince the world leaders to cooperate with the aliens because they discovered that the aliens were deadly allergic to a specific type of bacteria.

In later years, the followers of Nigel's philosophy and teachings have become powerful in the newly advanced world but hidden behind the idyllic façade are disturbing ripples of abuse of aliens, abductions of humans, and extremist groups.

One of those extremist groups are the Nigellians, extremists of Nigel's way of thinking, who believe humans are recklessly using the technology given by the aliens.  They plot to use the aliens' weakness to drive them from the planet, but in so doing, end up dooming humanity and in the end, mankind is obliterated.
***

I think the scariest and most exciting part of Microscope is the fact that huge, major plot points and world blocks are laid by one person, with little to no say from everyone else experiencing the story. That kind of power the first few times is overwhelming and feels wrong, you're just thinking, "Really?  You want me to come up with the big secret? I'm pretty sure whatever I come up with is not going to be as cool as what you could come up with."

But the surprise is that most of the time that's not true.

The story just needs to be told. And because whatever you say is going to be a surprise to everyone else, it has that added, "Oh I didn't see that coming" overlay, which is really what makes stories interesting. You listen to someone else tell a story because you want to know what happens next. In Microscope, and most story games, each time someone steps up and drops in a piece of the puzzle is the best part and what you need to keep in mind, is that there's going to be plenty of opportunities for everyone else to do the same, if not in this game, then in others. And the same goes for you. If whatever pops into your head at the moment doesn't seem like the coolest thing in the world, so what? This is just one story. And the rest of us are here to back you up.

And honestly, that's something I need to keep in mind too. I feel like story gaming is kind of like flag football sometimes. When someone is running at you or you're running after someone with the ball, what you really need to do is focus, and I mean REALLY FOCUS on reaching your hand out, and grabbing that damn flag. None of that half-assed flailing. Or worrying about if you're running fast enough, or if you're going to hit into the person. None of that really matters. And in story gaming, plot points and major reveals are that person with the ball. They're coming at you and it's your responsibility to focus and just reach out and grab it.

The Hedgehog

Why is it that when you write down events that are odd, but really still ordinary, they are imbued with deep, artsy, significant meaning and symbolism? It's a nice power of putting words down, that they make the ordinary seem extraordinary, but sometimes things just happen, they happen to you, to me, and we're just there.

So I went to see The Hedgehog tonight. I've been trying to see it for weeks but haven't been able to because of my crazy schedule. I decided to go to the 9:35 PM showing because I needed to make dark chocolate covered bacon first and I also didn't think I could go home, take out the puppies, get some thing to eat and then get down to the Egyptian for the 7:10 PM showing. So really it was the only logical choice. I was planning on going by myself, but my friend R, whom I haven't seen in a year or more, agreed to go with me when I offhandedly mentioned it to her in an email. So we went. And we both really liked it. And maybe it was seeing an artsy, foreign film in the middle of the night on a weekday, or just the fact that it's something far enough removed from routine, but the drive back home was beautiful. The roads are still wet from the constant raining during the day and the streetlamps make it look like a cross between ice and an oil slick.

And though I'll probably be completely exhausted tomorrow and miserable with wanting to crawl under my desk and sleep, I hope I'll still think it was worth it to step outside the bounds and remember how easy it is to change and do weird things because it's interesting and not think about how crazy it would sound written down.

Level 20 Achievement Unlocked!

When last we left The Grey Hand...
They had been following a fire salamander and its trail of embers led them to a set of double doors. However, these were no ordinary double doors. After looking carefully at the oddly moving bas relief, they realized that it had been infused with a bevy of tormented souls. Not very nice. Inadia called upon her god, the Raven Queen, to quiet the suffering of these abused souls and her god answered by bestowing a blessing upon the bas relief that eased the souls and caused them to no longer hunger after the lifeblood of the living.

Ever cautious, Vealkarion put his ear to the door and listened for sounds within. The occupants within were arguing with each other about administrative dungeon handling and why it had been the suck lately. There was no mention whatsoever of The Grey Hand. Thus insulted, they gave Kalavich leave to kick open the double doors, so they could give them what for.

Inside the room was a fire throne where a diminutive fire demon was animatedly chewing out one of his subordinates. When The Grey Hand barges in, he states his name as Sinder the Inferno and throws in an insult for good measure. He then Hulks up, and his signature move is revealed to be spewing magma from his body to grab his victims from 20 feet away and slowly roasting them next to his hot, hot body.

The fire Salamander Assassin was also in the room, along with two bat-like monsters with a pennant for doing large bursts of fire that caused victims to feel weakened.

The Grey Hand, well rested and raring to go, rolled up their figurative sleeves and got down to business. Which is, of course, the dismemberment and looting of uppity monsters.

Well-placed AOEs from Inadia made short work of the minion baddies and Malak's shouts of encouragement and tactical orders allowed everyone to not only be more determined to wipe the floor with their enemies' faces but draw from some unknown source of strength to deal yet another blow. Vealkarion, in particular, let loose a flurry of arrows so quickly and so densely that the ground ran red from the monsters' wounds. Kalavich separated early on in battle from the rest of The Grey Hand, but stalwartly held his position in the corner. Ctharyan, under the shadow that is ever present but cannot be seen by those of lesser skills, flitted from one side of the room to the other, though not always of his own will, striking his unsuspecting foes. The pool of his own blood was difficult to hide at times, but what he lost of his own blood, he made up for tenfold in the blood of others.

The glowing motes from an earlier scuffle appeared through the walls when the ground was thoroughly soaked and bodies littered the area. The combination of The Grey Hand's valor and bloodlust, and the unforgiving glowing motes caused the last few monsters' blood to run cold (tough to accomplish since most of them were fire-based) and they turned tail like the cowards they were, but not before one of the glowing motes claimed one for itself.
***
We are now lvl 20! This battle in particular really brought to light just how many different status and bonus effects we all do now. No longer is it just simply immobilizing and dazing enemies, but a whole slew of other stuff that is really really hard to keep track of. Zach wasn't at this encounter, but A played Zach's character for him and everyone kept on feeling like we were just not rolling enough dice :). I feel like we should have spent more time in the beginning doing monster knowledge checks because it wasn't until the middle-ish of the encounter when we all realized that the fire demon, Sinder, was undead and thus it was time to pull out all of our radiant powers. And even though I remembered in the beginning that my skull does 2d6 extra to demons, I forgot for the rest of the encounter.

It was a good "let's see how we can fuck up this room full of monsters and not die ourselves" encounter and it was even a little iffy there for a bit when a few of us were bloodied. My character only survived without needing a heal because of her skull which grants +10 resist to necro and fire. Which came very much in handy. Oh god one round lasts so long now. We had more monsters than usual and since we have a party of five, you have lots of time to think about what you want to do, but more often than not, by the time it gets around to you, the battlefield has changed so much that your original plan no longer works. But we did get through several rounds, enough for me to have used up all of my normal encounter powers, though P's Victory Surge really sped things up. It was like we were rolling along really well in the beginning but then lost steam after everyone had used up their encounter powers. Or maybe that's just me and I should pick different At-Will powers...again.