January 19, 2013

All the Dancing

I've been struggling with the feeling that I don't appreciate compliments as much as I should. And today, I went to my first hip hop class in several years. Nothing like sucking it up to really bring it home that yeah, no duh, I'm not the shit and there's always going to be lots of people way better than me.

So I recognize that I've been very lucky in life. I'm pretty, I make plenty of money, and I have people that love me. Though sometimes it's hard to think of things to say, I've had exciting adventures, read extensively, and engage in a wide variety of interests and hobbies. I'd like to think of myself as someone who likes trying new things and going out and doing stuff.

And what I've realized is that the combination of all of those things and a supportive environment has led me to not be as humble and modest as I should be. I was at Bootie Seattle last night and a girl came up to me and told me nice things and I thanked her verbally and with a smile. But it was brief and I felt nothing. In fact, the first feeling I had was that of expectation fulfilled. As an achievement whore, I think I'm also a compliment whore. Most of the time when I go out to parties or to hang with friends, I dress up to illicit compliments. Only recently, with my exploration of more masculine fashion, have I dressed up more for myself and trying on practically a new persona has been an adjustment. But even there, I know plenty of people that think I'm even hotter now for it, so it's a different level of fun to see their reactions. And those who don't think I look better and maybe even look weird, are nice enough to keep it to themselves.