I've been struggling with the feeling that I don't appreciate compliments as much as I should. And today, I went to my first hip hop class in several years. Nothing like sucking it up to really bring it home that yeah, no duh, I'm not the shit and there's always going to be lots of people way better than me.
So I recognize that I've been very lucky in life. I'm pretty, I make plenty of money, and I have people that love me. Though sometimes it's hard to think of things to say, I've had exciting adventures, read extensively, and engage in a wide variety of interests and hobbies. I'd like to think of myself as someone who likes trying new things and going out and doing stuff.
And what I've realized is that the combination of all of those things and a supportive environment has led me to not be as humble and modest as I should be. I was at Bootie Seattle last night and a girl came up to me and told me nice things and I thanked her verbally and with a smile. But it was brief and I felt nothing. In fact, the first feeling I had was that of expectation fulfilled. As an achievement whore, I think I'm also a compliment whore. Most of the time when I go out to parties or to hang with friends, I dress up to illicit compliments. Only recently, with my exploration of more masculine fashion, have I dressed up more for myself and trying on practically a new persona has been an adjustment. But even there, I know plenty of people that think I'm even hotter now for it, so it's a different level of fun to see their reactions. And those who don't think I look better and maybe even look weird, are nice enough to keep it to themselves.
January 19, 2013
January 13, 2013
Filled Weekend
I really didn't expect this weekend to be as full as it was. Immensely enjoyable and productive, but hardly any sitting around.
Friday
Went to Echo Base to screen Primer, which was incredibly confusing but after talking for half an hour or so after the movie with everyone else, most of whom had seen it more than once, things started to become at least a little clearer. Reading the Wiki page on the movie is still on my list of To Do's.
Saturday
Spent the morning catching up on email and writing a bit of the write-up for the A Penny For my Thoughts that I had played on Thursday. Then drove down to Seattle Center where I got signed up for Snow Day, had a bacon cheeseburger with sweet potato fries at Quincy's in the Armory, and then helped out the Emerald City Comic Con with their snow fort for an hour and a half. Snow Day was completely not what I expected. I didn't stay very long at all, about two hours total, including eating, but it was a very satisfying experience. It's been a while since I've been part of an organized work group, and the physical exertion of shoveling snow and working together with strangers made me feel really good. I wore way too much for it though. Even though I wore a fairly light jacket, a thin long sleeve shirt and a thin sweater, I shouldn't have worn my warm waterproof boots, nor the long johns with snowboarding pants. That was overkill. I don't know why I expected to be crawling around on the snow or something. It did make me want to go snowboarding though to actually put the pants to use.
Afterwards, I went to the grocery store to buy supplies to make food for the Important Person Dinner that night at C's house. I made three dishes. The food was good, I had fun chatting about TV shows and movies and games with some of the people there and getting to hang out with C and meeting her brother and sister-in-law. There was also some lovely singing and singalongs and dancing.
Since Z didn't come with me, I had the option of going also to my friend K's place where they had just finished watching Hackers and we ended up watching the pilot episode of Adventure Time and Johnny Mnemonic. Both were entertaining and it was fun seeing K's place and the other three people that were there were very easy to get along with and it was super relaxed.
Sunday
Went to Toulouse Petit for brunch and it was delicious as usual and it was great to hang out and chat with R, T, and S. Then afterwards, Z and I killed some time by getting his hair cut and then hanging out at Starbucks, where P met us and we went to see Holy Motors, which was a fantastic film. I really enjoyed it. It was fabulously weird and thought-provoking in a "I see what you did there"-type of way. Z did not like it. He thought it was esoteric and that there was a bunch of weird to be weird things. Which is exactly how I feel about Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, though maybe I should rewatch it and try not to see it from such a jaded perception since so many people liked it.
When I got home, I put together dinner for myself and lunch for Monday and Tuesday, and did the rest of the dishes from cooking on Saturday. Z, A, and I figured out how I'll be using my 15 days of vacation for the year and solidified some travel/vacation plans:
April 8-12 - Antigua
May 16-17 - St. Louis
Aug 31 - PAX Prime
Dec 26 - Day after Christmas
1 Day for Shi Shi Beach Backpack Camping
5 Days for Japan
I finished the write-up for A Penny for My Thoughts and once I'm done with this blog post, I'm going to play some Walking Dead.
I'm really looking forward to next week. Even though I have something planned every night of the week, I don't feel like I'm overly busy. What I feel is filled and enriched.
January 8, 2013
One Week In
1. Going to more story gaming.
I'll be doing some gaming on Thursday!
2. Taking hip hop classes.
I was going to go tonight but it turns out I might have caught whatever sickness C brought back with her from her travels :(. I was immune to what everyone had around here, and now the sickness has caught up to me. However, I did create a new GCalendar that lists the daily schedule of hip hop classes so I can easily copy it over to my regular calendar on the days that I decide to go. I'll probably stick with a 4 class/month schedule.
3. Going camping.
Committed to going in Feb. with TRT and co. to Cama Beach. Also possible day hike to hot springs!
4. Doing the dishes after I make them dirty.
So far I haven't minded doing the dishes more frequently and the sense of keeping it together has been really nice.
5. Getting rid of stuff.
Z and I went through all of our glassware and mugs and we now have two boxfuls that we're planning to get rid of. Now the question is should we just dump them at Goodwill, or try to have a yard sale? Some of the glassware is really nice (champagne flutes, Starbucks mugs), but obviously we'd have to wait until it was nice out to do a yard sale. It might be fun though. We certainly have plenty of things to sell.
6. Playing more video games.
Finally started playing The Walking Dead and it is as good as everyone has said. Have really been enjoying the second run through for the marked differences depending on your choices. And the great thing is that there's usually only two different choices, so I don't feel like there's an infinite number of possibilities (i.e. more than three) so my inner completionist also gets a thrill.
I also have been working on my Mass Effect game so that when I'm done with it, I can start the second one, as well as start Catherine.
Looking forward to starting up a second game of Borderlands 2 with W, and playing more Spec Ops: The Line.
7. Blogging more.
I'm thinking about also committing to once a week blogging, but I think I also should maybe spend some time thinking about what exactly I want to get out of blogging and some topics I want to talk about. Maybe more reviews of movies, books, and games that I consume? Continuing that 15 minute episodic story? I might have to start being more strict on the rules of that...I used to spend time before I started the 15 minutes to re-read the other chunks, but there's like 10 chunks now. Presumably, if I start writing it more regularly, I'll remember the story and be able to go off of just the last sentence or two.
8. Being less jaded.
This is the only one that I'm not sure I've made definite progress on yet. Also, difficult to actually measure. But I still think out of everything on this list, this is probably the most important one because it deals with core traits of my personality and outlook on life. My lofty cynical vantage point is probably so I'm not disappointed more often or so that I don't need to put as much energy into things to be satisfied. I think one of the most recent things that I was jaded about was the Seattle Snow Day event, which is apparently this Saturday.
Just something about the forced nature of creating an environment to induce "the child in all of us" makes my skin crawl with disdain. Would it probably ultimately be fun? Likely. Would I hate getting a snowball in the face? Undoubtedly. Does a "whiskey sweater" drink sound enticing? Yes. Maybe really what this is getting at is that to overcome being jaded about something, the first step is to actually experience it and realize that I was wrong. Maybe.
I'll be doing some gaming on Thursday!
2. Taking hip hop classes.
I was going to go tonight but it turns out I might have caught whatever sickness C brought back with her from her travels :(. I was immune to what everyone had around here, and now the sickness has caught up to me. However, I did create a new GCalendar that lists the daily schedule of hip hop classes so I can easily copy it over to my regular calendar on the days that I decide to go. I'll probably stick with a 4 class/month schedule.
3. Going camping.
Committed to going in Feb. with TRT and co. to Cama Beach. Also possible day hike to hot springs!
4. Doing the dishes after I make them dirty.
So far I haven't minded doing the dishes more frequently and the sense of keeping it together has been really nice.
5. Getting rid of stuff.
Z and I went through all of our glassware and mugs and we now have two boxfuls that we're planning to get rid of. Now the question is should we just dump them at Goodwill, or try to have a yard sale? Some of the glassware is really nice (champagne flutes, Starbucks mugs), but obviously we'd have to wait until it was nice out to do a yard sale. It might be fun though. We certainly have plenty of things to sell.
6. Playing more video games.
Finally started playing The Walking Dead and it is as good as everyone has said. Have really been enjoying the second run through for the marked differences depending on your choices. And the great thing is that there's usually only two different choices, so I don't feel like there's an infinite number of possibilities (i.e. more than three) so my inner completionist also gets a thrill.
I also have been working on my Mass Effect game so that when I'm done with it, I can start the second one, as well as start Catherine.
Looking forward to starting up a second game of Borderlands 2 with W, and playing more Spec Ops: The Line.
7. Blogging more.
I'm thinking about also committing to once a week blogging, but I think I also should maybe spend some time thinking about what exactly I want to get out of blogging and some topics I want to talk about. Maybe more reviews of movies, books, and games that I consume? Continuing that 15 minute episodic story? I might have to start being more strict on the rules of that...I used to spend time before I started the 15 minutes to re-read the other chunks, but there's like 10 chunks now. Presumably, if I start writing it more regularly, I'll remember the story and be able to go off of just the last sentence or two.
8. Being less jaded.
This is the only one that I'm not sure I've made definite progress on yet. Also, difficult to actually measure. But I still think out of everything on this list, this is probably the most important one because it deals with core traits of my personality and outlook on life. My lofty cynical vantage point is probably so I'm not disappointed more often or so that I don't need to put as much energy into things to be satisfied. I think one of the most recent things that I was jaded about was the Seattle Snow Day event, which is apparently this Saturday.
Just something about the forced nature of creating an environment to induce "the child in all of us" makes my skin crawl with disdain. Would it probably ultimately be fun? Likely. Would I hate getting a snowball in the face? Undoubtedly. Does a "whiskey sweater" drink sound enticing? Yes. Maybe really what this is getting at is that to overcome being jaded about something, the first step is to actually experience it and realize that I was wrong. Maybe.
January 1, 2013
Cautiously Optimistic
It seems like everyone started off the new year happy and pumped for 2013 to be THE BEST YEAR EVAR. And maybe that's just because the people who started the new year sad and with horrible prospects didn't bother going onto Facebook and posting about it.
I had a pretty good new year's eve. Everyone complimented me on my outfit, I got to see tons of people that I like, and I've been on a pretty productive streak recently. Yet today, Day 1 out of 365 of 2013, instead of feeling upbeat about turning over a new leaf etc., I've been pretty moody. Which helps a lot with being productive but not so much with actual enjoyment. I think I'm just thrown off by some of the unexpected changes. Of course, top of the list is the whole parents threatening disownment. Then, the subtle yet huge difference in being open and having PDA in my relationship with P. I'm happy about it, but also strangely anxious, because it feels a little like there's no one steering the car. And finally, the realization that I own a lot of stuff and there's no way I'd be able to move closer into the city without doing some major rehaul.
Anyway, here's some things I am looking forward to:
1. Going to more story gaming.
2. Taking hip hop classes.
3. Going camping.
4. Doing the dishes after I make them dirty.
5. Getting rid of stuff.
6. Playing more video games.
7. Blogging more.
8. Being less jaded.
Looking forward to seeing what Day 2-365 have to offer. Hopefully by the end, I'll be an even better and improved version of myself.
I had a pretty good new year's eve. Everyone complimented me on my outfit, I got to see tons of people that I like, and I've been on a pretty productive streak recently. Yet today, Day 1 out of 365 of 2013, instead of feeling upbeat about turning over a new leaf etc., I've been pretty moody. Which helps a lot with being productive but not so much with actual enjoyment. I think I'm just thrown off by some of the unexpected changes. Of course, top of the list is the whole parents threatening disownment. Then, the subtle yet huge difference in being open and having PDA in my relationship with P. I'm happy about it, but also strangely anxious, because it feels a little like there's no one steering the car. And finally, the realization that I own a lot of stuff and there's no way I'd be able to move closer into the city without doing some major rehaul.
Anyway, here's some things I am looking forward to:
1. Going to more story gaming.
2. Taking hip hop classes.
3. Going camping.
4. Doing the dishes after I make them dirty.
5. Getting rid of stuff.
6. Playing more video games.
7. Blogging more.
8. Being less jaded.
Looking forward to seeing what Day 2-365 have to offer. Hopefully by the end, I'll be an even better and improved version of myself.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)